troll | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

Reasoning, Shoulder Troll, All Biz

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 20:27:50 -0500

Episode: #758 | Length: 32:02 | Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Say some more :)

Tags: betsy smith kris smith new york nyc the good

Secret Sauce, Betsy Gets a Job, Weaponized Spit

Fri, 29 Jan 2010 17:16:19 -0600

Show: #543
Length: 29:31
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Show notes gotta wait
But the show doesn't!!
Check your feeds and enjoy
Have a great weekend guys!
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: costco strollers things weaponized spit awesome sauce

Streaming Player, Bald is Sexy, Queens Blvd.

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 14:59:31 -0600

Show: #538
Length: 28:07
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Comments are all moderated now
Due to massive amounts of spam that is coming in
Great news . . . streaming player is ready to use
Go to Croncast -> Click 'streaming player' -> Sign in -> Listen
The Nextel phone chirp chirp is like the construction worker Twitter
Maybe I have a stroller you don't know about
A total Manhattan business is man strollers
Man purses are not in the scope
They're totally off limits
He's a cross dressing pimp
And he also coos
Dude is wearing a full length beaver coat
You should hold classes at the annex for cross dressing pimps
Queens they should go with you
The battle cry for cross dressing pimps
If you made that sound in Queens something would eat you
Tumbleweeds and paint ball
The greatest Goodwill ever
As far as clothing goes
$1.69 a pound for clothing
You can pick up Diesel Jeans
I may like them but I need Mavi jeans
Those fit
Not Levi's or Wranglers
There are no Wranglers in Manhattan
Cuz no one sells them here
The fancy man pants get their own hangers and racks
Size 28 Bootcut Citizens of Humanity Jeans
Yeah, no one is looking for that
Well maybe somebody is but you can't price for that one guy
Huge blue troughs full of this stuff
Safe with a prison, police, needles
Totally safe because it's like Aurora, IL
We pass the Dominican greasy spoon
I want to eat there and you guys always choose the hot dog joint
Mc Dominicans is the name, not really
Eyed up on the luv train
Betsy can't get enough of these stories from me
Wanna party, giant?

Tags: luv train man musk wanna party giant queens resale nextel chirp

Season 22 Ep 08: Naperville Buh Bye, Speedy in pocket, Flying over tornados

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 14:15:12 -0500

Croncast - 2009-08-31.mp3
Show: #534
Length: 30:18
Size: 27.8 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Let the reboot begin
Still don't have the studio set up the way we would like
Whatever, don't leave a comment on the old shows
Seriously, a mummy might crawl out of your ear buds
Betsy breaks down why the shows stopped
It's the real deal
They heard the show
The offer was pulled
It pre-dated even their interest in our home
So much conflict from it we had to stop
Hard finding buyers
You guys knew all about the crazy
They didn't just call up
She furnished a transcript
Thanks to social media you can't feed the trolls offline
They knew we were in a bind
How can you be special when the whole world knows?
You're not on the inside when it's public knowledge
Enough of this crap
Picking back up where we left off . . .
Leaving Naperville
The car arrives to take us way
You can't tell that story yet
The New York story has to wait
"I am a rock star," Elliot
What do we move with - 6 suitcases
Getting on a jet plane
House hadn't closed yet
No place to live
Not a job offer
Finding new homes for dogs
Missing the four legged family members
Betsy has Swiffered her way out of the house
Grabbing Speedy
I didn't get a chance to say, "good-bye to the house."
Wasn't that weird for me
Airport hotel
I'm thinking holy shit I have nothing
I had a four bedroom house
Now I am moving across country wth 6 suitcases and a hermit crab

Tags: Naperville limousine hermit crab speedy

Season 22 Ep 05: Red Streak, Hamster Flu, Wackadoos

Fri, 01 May 2009 14:03:07 -0500

Croncast - 2009-05-01.mp3
Show: #530
Length: 32:06
Size: 29.5 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Hit up Croncast and leave comment
Online they're called trolls
In the real world they're called haters
Thanks for asking people to tell you something nice
You were having a rough day
Dude's can't call you beautiful
Why are you in public without your mask on?
I ended up with a red streak on my finger
Again!
Back down the sewer drain
No care for the scrape or cut
I'll be fine
Now my finger is throbbing and swelling up
Hello, urgent care
Attacked your meat hook viciously
Everyone in their was wearing a mask
All the wackadoos think they have swine flu
Stay safe while porking
I am worried for their mental health
They could have hamster flu
We're gonna be in NYC next week
Meetup on Thursday night 6'ish not sure on location
Will share that today

Tags: lemon lime gatorade hamster flu wackadoos red streak

Rant: Strategic blog commenting? Strategic tweeting?

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 08:23:42 -0500

Listen up Mr. and Mrs. internet marketer, your actions are sour, insincere and totally transparent as to your desire to dupe someone into clicking your link in an attempt to make a buck. You are full of shit and we know it. And, your students suck even worse at it.

Here is one example of "strategic blog commenting" by an idiot following the advice to get Google alerts for keywords related to his/her own site:

"Thank you for providing such useful info about dogs. The picture at this page is beautiful and love to eat one, look delicious." - Internet Marketing Douche Bag (real name hidden to protect the innocent)

The user email was admin@ourdataentry.com and the user URL linked back to a site about dog care. I'd say contextually there is something amiss here since the photo, other comments and title all indicated that the post was about hot dogs.

In this group I am not talking solely about the automated comment spammers that originally made our lives miserable but this new wave of get rich quick, "My internet marketing coach told me to do this" and internet marketing coaches, themselves.

As you and your people strive for authenticity, I believe that is one or your credos, maybe that term is no longer used, but you are about as authentic as a Gucci purse at a swap meet.

The entire reason for this post is because the comment above showed up next to a message from twitter that I was now being followed by 'helpmycashgrow'. Are you kidding me? You people make my head hurt. He also dropped this gem - "At work right now, at least i'm "supposed" to be working". Sir, you give me the confidence to let you help me grow my cash.

So now that people are strategic tweeting as a piece of their better mouse trap I would also like to call out the ass kissers on twitter, those trying to make an impression with someone that they don't know by disparaging another twitter user who comments directly with the person you are trying to kiss up to. Just don't do it. Might turn out that the disparaged and the ass kissee are good friends and the ass kissees other friends read that you are disparaging their friend.

Again we can see you for what you are but when you stoop to a troll level it is even more apparent that you have nothing to add except a desire to, as you perceive it, move up the food chain.

My hope is that you will all go back to infomercials and ripping off the elderly with home improvement scams. But I am guessing your type is here to stay and I just need to get better at filtering you out.

Tags: Internet Marketing Coaches Suck Teach Yourself and Save Your Money

Season 19 Ep 24: Moral Compass, I can't tell you, ABBA

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 07:30:12 -0500

Croncast - 2008-03-24.mp3
Show: #471
Length: 26:34
Size: 18.9mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Wish I had done show notes last night
Trying to the show to download from my phone isn't going too quickly
OK, here's what I got
The laughing intro
Betsy has to stop
She can't handle not making fun of me
Oh, Mr B
You'll be gone for 3 days
You're boyfriend would come out of the closet
How did I slip through?
If it were 1950 I would be married to a gay man
Now they're strolling to Erasure hand in hand
Isn't that ABBA?
Whitney was for the queens too?
Yes, Kris
Why do you think they like me so much?
That is what will hold you back from being a republican
No that would be my moral compass
It's called empathy
Henry is still trying to make me a republican
You have a manic nature with work
Just put a chip in me
Interfacing with machines would be much easier
What did you just think?
I won't be held to testify, I can't tell you

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: ABBA Republican moral compass betsy smith

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 22, 2007

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 09:26:10 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-22.mp3
Show: #423
Length: 39:33
Size: 27.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 22, 2007

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Today's show is pretty long for us, an extra 10 minutes
Lots going on in our lives (see banner graphic for this post above)
Kris knows all of Betsy's passwords
Of course I never gave access to my accounts
Betsy feels ripped off this week
I happened across a subdivision sale
Sure I had been there twice already
I needed to stop after getting my Morrisey dinner theater money
Oh, baby. I am really asleep
How did you get tricked out of your money?
I ended up with two broken strollers
I'll never be had like that again
Three houses down it happened again
Auto sound effects just don't work in a car
A motorized baby stroller?
Yeah, that was great idea
Swing-a-meal, the baby eats while it is swinging
Just take a hot and hollow it out for straw
Meaty milk, mmmmmmmm, yummy
Here we go
Life is show prep
Last Monday and Wednesday there were no shows
Well, here's the reason
I am now a free agent
Yep, I am back to podcast consulting and production
But I am good to go if you got an open gig
For now, check out my Linkedin Profile

Resume soon
I thought we were beyond this resume stuff
I sent my resume to a professional resume writer
Betsy reads what they see as wrong with my resume
Key - don't throw the reader for a loop
Here comes a Kris analogy
Yes, Kris . . . living life with you is like riding a bike down a staircase
My glasses are eating my face

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

Tags: Kris Smith Linkedin Morrissey Morrissey dinner theater riding a bike

I removed a comment for first time

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 14:56:19 -0500

I'm kind of disappointed with myself. But this person just keeps stepping over the line.

There exists meaningful discourse between people, meaningful discourse between people and animals (ask my mother-in-law) and none of the such between people and trolls.

It appears that we have a detractor type troll that wants to hide behind fake emails and proxy servers. So be it, it takes all types to make the world go around.

Tags: troll

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 12, 2007

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 08:58:34 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-12.mp3
Show: #421
Length: 30:19
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 12, 2007

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Tell a Friend Friday!
Tell'em all about it
This is a rocking show . . . starts slow, Betsy is sick, but fires up
Thanks Mexico Mike/Susan, seriously?
Proxy commenters need not hide
User your real information
I know who it is, Bears
Who?
You mom
She got a WebTV
Through a proxy
My perfect job would be the skipper on a boat
The skipper of a sailboat
So, I went and bought a Jamocha shake from Arby's
Now I want to throw up
Speaking of Goodwill . . . Mike and Liz just had a baby today!!!
Congratulations to the Marusin's and Poppy Ann
Wait until you get your Goodwill gift
No way Kris, I will them something nice . . . like a store display
Going to Ben Franklin to get some paint
Unless a blind person comes and runs their fingers over it no one will know
We are really talking about a $160 present
We should get them something new
Yeah, Kris, we will get them some diapers
You need not to nerd out on strollers, explain
Why don't they call it the platform stroller?
You can sit or stand . . .let's call it the platform stroller
Special place for them to hold on
They always want to stand in the cart
What kind of vitamin deficiency makes your skin fall off?
I mean like peel on your hands
One year of hands down the pants
Baby!
That is all about moisture, Kris
Maybe you need to get sick more often
Improv round two started last night for Betsy
Not just the core group, time to move on
Betsy and her ego
I love, love this class
Yeah, it is controlled psychosis
You are nuts
The crazier the people the better
Crazy people find each other
Giving off the crazy vibe
You find out later you have it in common
Kicking it at Bar Louie with my posse
I can't believe you are still going back
Of course I am
You don't want to profit from my sexual harassment?
This is your joint now . . . your cheers
They listen to the show now
My mom paid children to teach me to ride a bike
I don't know if I ever told you this before, Kris
Told me what?
I was born dead
What?
I was blue and not breathing
That explains a lot
What else you hiding from me?
Object work in improv
They reply to me . . . "It's not a radio show"
Well, let them come in and try this
That's right . . . dead air bitch
When is it a good time to bring up being born dead?
I don't know.
Who are you? Where is my wife that was born alive?
The doctor left with a blue baby
Came back with a pink baby
Don't go to Arby's and buy a Jomacha shake

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

STICKERS!
Here's what it will look like . . . inside the red area with rounded corners
To get your sticker send $2.00 support from the site or get 3 stickers for $5.00

Tags: Jamocha shake Poppy Ann Marusin Goodwill improv psychosis Bar Louie

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 08, 2007

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 08:10:38 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-08.mp3
Show: #419
Length: 36:44
Size: 25.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 08, 2007

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Thanks to Dan for the generous support late last week . . .
This show is for you
I have found my next career
Home Bottling factory for breast milk
That is creepy
I should totally do this is
You can pump and dump
My house is near hear
Your 15 minute break is no problem
My sister won't stop calling
She called me in church today
They have a conversion van club
I don't have a conversion van anymore Vicky
Do you have a hand pump anymore?
You got 30 minutes at work you can do a double pump and dump
If you have to pump in a prison bathroom would you even touch the electrical outlet
Their mirrors aren't even made of glass
Shiny metal like a McMansion refrigerator
When I take out the pump is make this noise
And I start leaking right away
The reason for the pee pee
I got moobs I don't feel her pain
The noise queues her and immediate let down
Walk into a shopping mall with a boom box playing that sound
Watch the mommies
Helps me milk the goat
Flafoo now exists
Tell your story Mr. B
Flafoo.com
Say it three times fast
Flafoo flafoo flafoo
The whole idea is to make finding shit on eBay easy and quick
Making looking up stuff on eBay fun again
Kris's idea of funny with links
Following that path of keywords
I could say turkey fryer - http://flafoo.com/turkey fryer
And it works on your iPhone quickly
If you are buying anything from eBay start your shopping at flafoo.com
I need a job to support my garage saling habit
Goodwill is eBay 1942
Waiting for stuff to come through the doors
The Christians go buy pancakes and then come to Goodwill for skirts
I was about to pounce on a comforter set
I heard her reading the title letter for letter
I knew what she was doing
She was having someone look up her shit on eBay
So I start to chat it up with her
Screw the voice mails . . . send her a text
My Blackberry doesn't send text messages
Right
I didn't nerd out on her
She's the woman who got he Blackberry and said, "O it's for recipes"
Did you take her under your wing?
I tried Mr B
My niche is the toys . . . you can't take that part of Goodwill
The breast feeding plates
Have we ever talked about plates
Friendship was kind of born
Well, that is good
All the regulars are kind of gone
How is that creepy?
Have you noticed that they are not here?
Who?
I should have known then
Putting my car in the garage
Yes I had to move your junk
No more big stuff Mr. B I promise
Well, you threw a passive aggressive smack down
Garage is for cars, Betsy
It's for toys, rakes and storage
I think it is a puffy cuff thing
How is that a puffy cuff thing?
My car has 75 miles in the last three months
You drove them Betsy
Wheelchair stroller
My mom's prize Wheaties box with Michael Jordan on it
You got to keep this one straight baby
Getting stuff together for one of you mom's students
I feel like I been hit in the forehead with Night Train
Dewey, Wednesday's show is for you

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

STICKERS!
Here's what it will look like . . . inside the red area with rounded corners
To get your sticker send $2.00 support from the site or get 3 stickers for $5.00

Tags: flafoo Wheaties box Blackberry Dan Goodwill

Betsy and Maggie take the cul de sac

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 18:31:41 -0500

The ladies out for a short stroll to prove once and for all stripes are better than solids.

Take that black t-shirt wearers.

Tags: than better stripes solids black

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 06, 2007

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 08:24:48 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-06.mp3
Show: #394
Length: 36:42
Size: 25.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 06, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Early intro to explain this show has lots of the electric popping noise in it. I thought I had this figured out for the show recording but I didn't. However, I did find a solution after today's show was recorded . . . clear shows from here on out.

My windscreen smells like a pack of condoms
What you got in your suitcase?
Yeah it has packed since I left for Colorado
OK Kris, mine smells like a today's sponge left out for four days
It's been 3 weeks since we have done a show with just us
The untold story, I almost didn't go to Colorado, Kris
Is this like Slowsky?
We fly in the face of karma
I preemptively heed the warnings
Four days out from leaving for Boulder it begins
Like the Volvo won't come out of park again
OK Blackwater Betsy
They drag the old decrepit bitch in
Volvo of Lisle has repaired it for the 4th time
They give me a Hyundai
We know what the problem is mam . . . you dripped some soda in there
No, look at the record . . . this is the 4th time
If I can't drink soda in my car remove the cup holders
The problem is that everything in the gear shifting area has been replaced
Splenda is not sugar, it is a secret ingredient in concrete
Now I owe the dealership $300
That is one less cool experience at Elk Mountain Resort
How am I going to help you out? I will be in San Francisco
That would be cash at hand
Your guilt and negativity goes both ways
I get to the DMV with Gigi on my hip to get new plates
Line to another line to another line
Boss Hog will drag you out by your ear
Don't get out of hand Ms. Mommy pant
Can we get a supervisor over here?
I know that is the auditor
Mam, your plates are illegal!
Oh, now I am going to be arrested at the DMV
I end up in a line with bikers
A line full of the scariest men
They all keep trying to talk to Goo
I've never seen a baby give that look
She's not going to ride bitch to anybody
She'll be leading your gang in 10 years
I know exactly what the problem is
There is only one man in Springfield who can take care of this
The bikers, Skanky and Skanky
It turns out that Skanky wants to sell his car to Skanky
Maggie hears the guy yell and she freaks out
Now I am freaking out
All your fault Mr. B
Your likability was going down by the day
The plates from Slowsky moved over to Volvo
I don't own the Volvo, you do Kris!!!!
What if I want to hit the road in peace?
Thanks Oprah
I was in there for 53 minutes
I got sucked in to other peoples drama as I waited
Betsy gets attacked by a tick
Now she needs to tell the neighborhood
The neighbor tells her that she just got back from New Jersey
She was there to help out a family member that got sick from a tick bite
The ticks in New Jersey know your name before they attack
This is all happening the night before you leave
Thank god the Elk Mountain staff is released early every morning to remove all ticks and flea dip the deer
I will never have a vacation as good as this because I am married to you
Oh, you are too kind baby
I was holed up 30 miles from Boulder in a hotel by the highway
They call themselves suburbs, but they don't know
Working late at night doing the nerd thing
I get to the hotel late
You're supposed to have a non-smoking . . . don't have it
You're supposed to have king . . . don't have it
The room smelled musty and like nothing I had smelled before
All this while I have to rationalize hopping into a bed that a lot lizard just has sex with a trucker in
The next morning I wake up and head down to the front desk
I bitch and moan then realize that this girl is 11 years old
I ask to be moved to another room
She reaches into her pocket and pulls cell phone
A roadside motel run by pre-teens
"I can't move you but my mom can. I can call her to come down here."
I rolled on out
I came back the next night and asked to be moved again
We can move you . . . but not for three days
I then get the burrito craving
Qdoba happens to be open right next to the truck stop
You're gonna have to re-wrap that burrito
Why?
Beans were falling out of it
He looks at me, "Sir you need to understand . . . if you bit into this it will explode in your face."
This can't be fucking happening
I am going to eat it here and cut it in half
His eyes twinkle . . . are you sure that you don't want us to cut it . . . I have a really big knife
His concern for my burrito did not go unnoticed
Colorado out to get me . . . three months ago
Stop Mr. B you can't tell this story we've gone too long
We'll be in Seattle on Thursday!!!
If you can make a live show we'll be doing it
If more than 6 people want to come we need to get a place to do it
I have one fan . . .Mexico Mike, total troll
Selling mescaline by the highway
I'll be in on the 8th at 10 am
We'll be there for our 11th anniversary
Why spend alone we want you
Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

Tags: Qdoba burrito hotel by the highway Longmont CO exploding burrito Volvo of Lisle

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 03, 2007

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 09:27:44 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-03.mp3
Show: #393
Length: 32:41
Size: 22.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 03, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Kris is losing his voice
The most emotional day of Jeanie's life ensues
Jeanie wakes up hammered
Betsy woke up and rubbed her feet all over Jeanie
It is the curse of Betsy
Betsy hates feet, can't stand feet
Wants nothing to do with feet
However, she can't keep her feet off of you
She has to put them on you
And these aren't regular feet
They are a women's size 12
A man's size 11 1/2
And they are like meat hooks
Dry, jerky meat hooks
And they are rough and jagged with a sixth toe on each foot
Like the Chinese guy in the Guinness Book
It must be a female thing
Evan yells at me when I do it to him
Why do you gotta put your toes on me?
Get on your own side dude!
Sorry, Mrs. Smith greatest day ever isn't gonna cap out
While I'm dying of alcohol and nicotine poisoning
I wake up and the toilet is full of Kobe of bananas foster
I didn't puke on the floor . . . it is from when I got out of the shower to puke
Jeanie, "This is gross"
We have to get up, today is the second greatest day of my life
The day that I get to go and shoot stuff
I'll have the fruit plate
It comes back as fruit art
We tell the waiter, but it is obvious that Betsy is hungover
The waiter comes back with cappuccino for the ladies
Jeanie gets amped
Somebody give that woman a firearm
Betsy now feels the same way that I did when we were on the ATVs
Even Linda Hogan has to put chin to cleavage and push on
No pressure, step up to the plate
We walk in to Valhalla
Turns out that John is going to help us
There are like 10 bronze Remington statues
Gigantic NRA flags on the wall
Celebrity photos on the wall
John, ex-Navy Seal, comes over and talks to us
I have never listened so hard in my life
"Oh shit, we are really going to do this"
This will be in live combat simulation mode
The bullets will explode
"We do not point the gun at anyone. Including me," John
This is when Jeanie begins to panic
We have to sign a waiver with or social security number
If you had been in the presence of an ex-Navy seal
John comes over and lays down 9mm pistols in front of us
Jeanie looses her color, "I'm trapped in this steal room with pulverizing bullets"
More instructions on how to hold the gun
He helps Jeanie out arm over arm
We are not going to be Olympic competitors if rifle
Ready position
Jeanie pulled . . . and she melted
The Navy Seal saw it coming
He grabs her. Jeanie, "Bull shiiiit!"
All of the sudden there are stars in the sky
She is still standing right next me
I can't quit shaking
Do you need some water?
He grabs lapel, "We have a freaker"
He knew you were going to hit the road
Lodged, malfunction, strike the magazine
Bang, bang, b-bang
Shells are falling all around Betsy's Crocs
Betsy turns around with the gun and Jeanie hits the deck
That is just the beginning
Betsy, "It's OK to go Jeanie"
Trying to be encouraging while crying
Jeanie is the world's best friend
John2 at the front desk watches the uncontrollable shaky Jeanie
Do you want some oxygen?
Finally they send a car
Meanwhile back at Valhalla . . .
OK you shot'em in the head . . . but it doesn't mean they can't still kick your ass
You keep shooting till they don't move
The look on your face is the look in that picture!
John has made a very large impact on your life
I am going to take you to a live scenario room
If this were a long term course we would work on your startle reflex
Betsy is awesome with a pistol
They take Betsy into a biker bar with a terrorist
I know it went down but you've got to keep shooting them
So Betsy clears the room . . . "Clear and cold"
Fear of firearms
John, "We have one more room for you"
He walks Betsy into a biker bar scenario room
Your face baby, oh my god
So in the corner of the bar is a robber
All you can see is his head and arm because it was around a hostage
I turned and dropped him with one shot between the eyes
It was the best feeling that I ever had
So Kris this is what I am thinking . . . a well armed wife is a happy wife
"You cannot beat and armed woman"
They sold purses designed for your concealed weapon
I am putting it out there for birthday
Henry just erased everything off his board and wrote, "I win."
You might be the first person to be turned away at the Unitarian church
I was going to tell Elliot, "Mommy took down a terrorist today"
So now it is time to leave
Cold maze is a good maze
I think something that contributed to my discomfort was not breast feeding for 3 days
To the right of me is a breast pump going full speed
Betsy finished up . . . and says I got to get rid of this stuff
It's like the trucker's pee bombs
Yeah, except this is 90 proof
She looks out window and says, "Are you ready?"
Jeanie, "Why is it going to be beautiful? Is it going to turn into fairy dust"
Is this going to be amazing?
I gotta do this cool because there is a wind going
Betsy throws it out . . . and it comes right back at her
The inside of the Volvo is now covered with breast milk
We stop at the Continental Divide
You remember how I feel about high mountain roads
Betsy, keep talking to me, keep talking
Those nets are to catch landslides
You could have explained pump and dump
All of the sudden we see cable cars
"The highest point on highway 50"
It is gorgeous
I was not feeling well
Jeanie is shaking, exhausted and needs a pick me up
Betsy, what kind of fudge do you want
"What dude," Betsy says Colorado slow
I think that I am freaking out
Now we have to drive down the mountain
Fudge won't help anything
We made it down it ok
But we were following an RV
Can you use those for cars?
No you have to hit the mountain
The RV's brakes were on fire
It took us six hours to get home
That's it, installment 4 of Betsy and Jeanie's trip to Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla Shooting Club

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

Tags: Remington Valhalla Shooting Club Linda Hogan Continental Divide shop Betsy Smith Jeanie Bowen

Where is the show holmes?

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:48:13 -0500

Today is a Croncastless day. The travel trolls beat me down today on my way back to Denver and Betsy has been up in the mountains all day with Jeanie and the kids.

So after two full weeks we'll get a show done tonight for some special Tuesday joy joy.

That is all. I am going to try not to fall asleep in the office.

Tags: Croncastless Croncast Jeanie Betsy Tuesday show

Betsy's got competition

Tue, 15 May 2007 07:12:44 -0500

Who knew that there was another Betsy Smith in town? Sure out of 150k people there was bound to be some repetition but I'm not sure if Naperville is big enough for two Betsy Smiths

If the other wasn't an officer of the law I would have recommended a stroller race or garage sale-off between them.

Tags: Betsy Smith Naperville Daily Herald stroller race

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 23, 2007

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:12:12 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-23.mp3
Show: #353
Length: 30:08
Size: 20.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 23, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks Kelly C.

This is a production of Palegroove Studios
You are the Junque Queen
They are investments Mr. B
You are pathological baby
Back when you took part in the plan
Watched the man
I am, I spent the entire day with the kids today
It has to do with the desire for you to part with your junk
How many times have you shopped alone?
Walking in to Goodwill and not knowing what you are going to find
I don't need another stuffed animal
That isn't what I said psycho-pants
Betsy forgets that she just told me something else
I'm fat because of you
You're going to be down here in a wife beater and a jogging bra Mr. B
Kris mowed the yard for the first time in two years
Turning dog poop in to confetti
Kris wore sandals to pick up Elliot and his feet were reflecting light
Last year you were a crazy workaholic
You took this new job to work less and it ain't so
When you turn over rocks that stuff doesn't look good
Mr. B you are the stuff under the rock
It's a problem because I say it is . . . you got to get out of the basement
It will be funny till you get diagnosed
Kris is going to Boulder on Tuesday
When I leave the house I go far away . . . it makes up for not going anywhere
Reference back to Jeanie's pee bomb story from her driving days
My work now is not like it was before
Closing up shop at the end of the day
I have to be there and if I'm not they think I'm not working
Kristopher! If they ping you at 2 am you would ping them right back
I love my phone
What they really want to hear about is my excellent weekend
The holidays don't mean a thing in junk . . . the first nice weekend it the best ever
Betsy needs all the karma trades she can get
Outside the donations box are two strollers
The "if you are a patriot you will donate something for retarded children box"
Betsy rationalizes and does the deed
- This is a great story -
Picking Elliot up from church on Earth Day
The wizard jedi master knight pope the 4th is there is his hooded wizard clothes
Don't you lock eyes with people and think this person is just like me
I don't want the hooded people at all
Don't twist my robe, I'll put a spell on you
Both the kids fit in to church
Gigi is a humanist and Elliot is way into it
The doll house wrap up
Thanks to Nicole Simon for the heads up on the broken feed

We are going to do a live show here in Naperville . . . hopefully in July. We'd like to get about 40 people to come out so we can have the joint for about 2 hours. That means you need to get your friends to come out too. Let us know if you can swing it.

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

Tags: Palegroove Studios donation boxes Nicole Simon junque queen psycho pants peg perego

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 01, 2007

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 07:44:42 -0600

Croncast - 2007-01-01.mp3

Show: #321
Length: 34:26
Size: 23.6 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 01, 2007

Today's show is brought to you by Bernadette Bean.

Betsy yodels for Bernadette
Our 400th year of Croncast
I'm surprised this isn't an anniversary for you
the 4 millionth minute of Croncast
Any resolutions Beeboo?
I want everyone to be nicer to me . . . that's a wish
Shopping for clothes on December 31 is a great way to start
It'd be nice to wear a smaller size
Shaper things that are for post pregnancy
Is it stomach? Is it thighs? I don't know
Getting the pudding back through the funnel
It is the new age corset . . . Flexees
Nope my wings were still popping up over the top
Asking the sales lady for help
She was old and saggy, she was probably wearing Flexees she had to know her shit
I didn't throw a penny on the floor and ask her to pick it up
The first thing you do is get a full body suit
That is absolutely crazy
If you want extra control
You could sell be at Bobak's if I wore that
It's like an unnatural sausage casing
So goes Betsy so goes the family
Going to be looking for new pants
Kris used to be a size 34 two years ago
Jumped from the train and landed in the pudding
I won't wear a man Flexee
All I got were chubbies by the little Andre Agassi pant ends
That is absolutely horrible
It is rock bottom for the chubster
2006 was the year of excess for us
We did everything to limit this year and we did it with food too
Kris's lunches this year . . . way expensive
Gotta spend the business money
Then buy yourself something that is gonna last
I had to eat, I had to, to keep the tax man away
Kris will ratchet down his lifestyle
We're gonna eat chicken and vegetables everyday
I picked up a veal roast . . . walked around with it . . . thought about the baby in a box . . .and put it back
Can't get into lamb either
I've worked with those little sheep, they are not that cute
You just went cross-eyed what are you looking at?
The beasties that bust loose from your drop ceiling
Gerald Ford conspiracy is afoot
Not to diminish the passing of an individual
James Brown was buried is sparkley shoes . . . Amen
Let's make it a 4 day weekend
The carrots that I am given
Kris is a nocturnal rodent that is kept awake during the day and has to sleep at night
The troll Kris would be if he were single

Tags: Flexees full body Flexees Bernadette Bean Andre Agassi veal roast

AVerTV Cardbus E501 working with Media Center

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 08:21:08 -0600

All that I wanted was to capture our Mii characters in video and not have to take a picture of the TV screen. That is it. Simple. Just get a video feed into my computer and take a screen shot. Thanks to Microsoft Media Center this is impossible.

Why, you ask? It turns out that Media Center won't accept a feed from a device that isn't spitting out it's source from a controller box of some type or antennae. Like the ones used for cable, satellite or a direct from the sky. Forget your auxiliary input for a gaming console.

After a couple of hours and a null progress report I picked up the keys and went over to Tiger Direct and picked up an AVerTV Cardbus E501 for my laptop . . . initially I was thinking PCI card but something that was portable would be cooler.

This is what I get for trying to be cool.

Two hours after arriving home with the card and following the installation directions to the letter, uninstalling the drivers (just like the directions say), rebooting, downloading new drivers, installing new drivers, rebooting, installing capture software, rebooting, opening software for this error "The TV capture device drivers are installed incorrectly" . . . WTF, again? See, my laptop is also running XP Media Center Edition.

You get the idea. From the pic above I am sure that you can see that I got the card working but here's what it took:

1) Searching for AVerTV Cardbus and finding out that it won't work with Media Center and their is a special card for this, not mine
2) Doing the uninstall, reboot, reinstall thing a couple more times
3) I try the last thing that might work, install the drivers for the AVerTV Cardbus MCE
4) It worked

So if you bought the AVerTV Cardbus and need to get it working on your MCE laptop maybe you'll find this post and just download install E502 set of drivers from the start and skip the included CD.

Tags: AVerTV Cardbus AVerTV Cardbus MCE AVerMedia Cardbus E501 media Center pcmcia tv tuner Aver Media

Played Wii, grown man, sore body, hardly type

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 00:45:01 -0600

Mike did us up at Rick's tonight and we had the equivalent of a man Tupperware party. The Nintendo Wii is a hit even with old men.

I never thought that I would dig a video game system this much. If Mike were selling them (which I recommend to anyone who can get there hands on a couple) to us he could have sold 3 of them cause I know Henry would have bought one too.

I won't be the only nerd sore in the morning from swinging the controller around. My arms are dead from the boxing game . . . turns out I got some boxing juice that won't quit.

Update: Shots from our Wii party last night in the KlauManPit. My Mii player,

Tags: Wii Nintendo Wii Wii games Wii boxing Wii Naperville

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 25, 2006

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 07:07:31 -0500

Croncast - 2006-09-25.mp3

Show: #278
Length: 21:58
Size: 21.9 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris September 25, 2006

Have you ever let someone keep using a word that you know is being applied improperly or even made up for some inner passive satisfaction? I usually don't and will try to sneak in the proper verb or noun when appropriate. On this show I let Betsy roll.

Betsy is doing it up today again with her one stem glasses
And she's on the wine tip, not whine
Table spoon in her sauce . . . it is a tumbler
We read two emails from listeners that sum up our last week
Betsy reading while sauced . . . priceless
I'm an "ok guy" and Betsy is "witty"
Sharing intense stories
Thanks for sending these in guys :)
I'm not drunk Kris
Folicular Agitation - red head
Second email gets read
Wisdom came flowing in today
The laid back people rose up
"Take it in stride you can't please everyone."
"I balance out all you crazy mother fuckers."
I cut the cake that is not hosting
Massive projects
Because of Kris, Betsy was late to garage sales
Betsy tells me I'm tacky
Family and friends are telling Kris to spend his money wisely
It is getting under his skin
Betsy's apprentice . . . her sister sells her DPV for $420
Betsy not paying her eBay fees again and again and again
Evidently the iMac can't handle a kick from a 6 year old
Stroller model years
Resale Queen.com
300 by 300th

1) Fill out the appropriate form for you - *New* Listener or Get a Handle (current listener)
2) Verify your email address (Activates and qualifies those with a "Handle")
3) *New* listeners get activated and qualified by using their special RSS feed
4) 300th new listener and the person whose Handle they use win iPods AND
5) A drawing for 2 more iPods from everyone who entered!

Tags: email folicular agitation apprentice iMac Resale Queen

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 06, 2006

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 06:39:39 -0500

Croncast - 2006-09-06.mp3

Show: #271
Length: 37:06
Size: 25.4 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris September 6, 2006

The second show of the night . . . forgot to hit record
We've had a rough couple of days
You know crazy shit happens to us
When people tell you that you need to call your senator you have had a bad ass
Want to know what our lives are like . . . listen to this show
It all begins by working on labor day for Kris
Getting good for the family
I got into an arguement with chick at KFC
I should have went home
Karma has it out for me, it skewers me
Don's say stuff like that I'm a Unitarian
Nobody drives everyone walks
The area is heavily police patrolled
The family on bikes is spotted from far away
Here comes the forest preserve cop
They are half-way in between real cop and mall cop
The woman waves at me to say thanks for letting us through the crosswalk
Where did these cops come from?
I'm minding the speed limit
Two police cars driving really fast
Well, I am starting to think it has something to do with me . . .
I came to a complete stop, the real stop at a stop sign
About 1 mile from home I get pulled over
3 cop cars with lights sitting behind me
Windows down and moon roof open I hear the forest preserve cop start yapping (lying)
"He almost hit a family in a cross-walk"
Are there any problems with your driver's license Mr. Smith
No
Seems that your license has been suspended
I start thinking of Betsy immediately
I can arrest you here or arrest you at home?
Those are some sweet options
The forest preserve officer is asked, "Why didn't you radio this in?"
"I wanted to keep this off the radio", he replies
Why would it not need to be on the radio?????
Then he is treated like the mall cop that he is and leaves
Arrest me here or at home?
I have to yell out the window and ask him if I'm going to be arrested to do it here and not at my house
So let me tell you about the solid that the officer did for me
THANK YOU OFFICER WHO'S NAME I DON"T KNOW
I was saved by a bucket of chicken!!!!!!!
Now we get Betsy's side of the story
The bottom line is both our licenses are suspended and we can't drive
Thanks for the ride to work this morning Henry
We talk about NCN Podcast . . . thanks for the plug Jason! Check him out.
Betsy's eBay Barbie Locker thingy from the 50's or 60's
Wrap it up

Tags: KFC chicken buckets crosswalk forest preserve Kris

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 28, 2006

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 06:33:12 -0500

Croncast - 2006-07-28.mp3

Show: #255
Length: 30:17
Size: 20.8 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris July 28, 2006

Kris is a bit persnickety tonight
Click the fifth tab for the real mailing address, 800 number and the email form
Send all email to thesmithmall@hotmail.com
Nobody gets it
Lots of Smiths in this world
So why did you take my last name anyway?
Normally I get along well with hardcore feminist chics
She made fun of me in class
The old sees the me me know there would be some problems
Keeping it real
Stoner in the basement that would have been managing the apartment building
Passing stuff up through the well
The Kris's social issues
Kris goes off into the world and then come trotting back with the stories
The problem is on my end, I know it
Hi, I'm Kris opening
There server cut loose with wind
I point out that the "smell" wasn't me
Bad move
Petit women never talk to me I think they are worried that I may fall on them and crush them like a bug
I'm married to you and you're not fine
TechCocktail1 was much more suitable for a bear
Betsy's dead racoon story
Racoon committed suicide
Muffin will meet her end this weekend
Explaining to the kids about the dog's imminent death
Tell him that when she dies he can have her cash card
Jauguar XK talk and emails
I only test drove the car . . . but yes I am in love
People don't think I follow through, they have never met my wife
The baby photos that never should see the light of day
Controlling the little sisters life

Tags: Smith feminist Muffin social problems TechCocktail1 Jaguar XK

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 141

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 05:54:51 -0500

Croncast - 2005-10-28.mp3

Show: #182
Length: 39:56
Size: 27.4 mb
Format: mp3

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 141

Show Notes

The mime
Calling each other 47 times a day
Kris' birthday party events balloon volleyball and jello through a straw races
The Geriatric games
More chest hair than head hair
The digital camera fiasco
Telling a nerd they did good could be the most dangerous thing a person can do
We're not buying today
Prints only from the camera store
He's making prints from a Nikon D50 8 mpx
Kris' rats nest hair
Why didn't somone tell me I need to brush my hair
My hair looks like a pelt
I can't do the bald guy with a goatee anymore
Detriment in Chicago during winter
Balding over-weight men with goatess are the dominant species in this planet
Kris' goatee is like a shrub hiding a rotting porch
There is a podcast voice
Betsy is going to put her dipthong to work at the telephone porn line
Well, okay der bear
It is pledge and donation time again
Cyclical with NPR
Server money is needed
Betsy says $4 per month doesn't make sense, $5 a month or $9.95 is better
The kids aren't yours
The one year anniversary of Croncast is coming
Doing the show 3 times a week is difficult
Kris has other projects to work on podcasting and not
Croncast will be moving to one day a week starting November 14
Send your audio or email of your Croncast memories
Harriet Mier, "liberals will rue the day that she didn't get the job"
New segment, "Goodwill Tonight" Betsy does sound effects
Visual a steam sterilizer and a triple stroller
I'm taking it to Goodwill to teach you a lesson
Screaming serpent roller coaster and rippin rocket
Betsy takes on an 11 year old girl at Goodwill
Someone took her on, she was the home team
First born kids are sibling slappers
Kris apologizes to his brother who is ripped
The hariest, largest woman in Goodwill
Time to scurry away with the baby
Dart them and take their stuff?
Betsy decides to stalk the family
Applies social work principles to get what she wants
Situation assessment for procurement
Lowlights of the old days
Why people don't want to remember the worst times
People work through it and move on and react out of fear
If you look behind you feel like it can happen again
A lack of empathy
Falling back on family if it is an option
Social service programs
How did Betsy make this political
A bit too harsh

Tags: betsy kris croncast hair work

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 128

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 05:30:56 -0500

Croncast - 2005-09-28.mp3

Show: #169
Length: 27:14
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64 kbs
Size: 12.4 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 128

Show Notes

Tom Davies' entry is going to be tough to beat
Sign of Aging when you use
"Guess what I read in Readers Digest today"
As a conversation starter
What kind of job Betsy could get if she started today?
Kris thinks I would be pulling animals off tin roofs in Lousiana
The secret lives of men
Kris believes he is completely controlled by women
Kris thinks I should start a shopping blog
Von Maur rocks
Rude people call at dinner
Though Kris won't just hang up
Further proof that he is controlled by women
Ashton Moore

More voting? Really more voting? No way.

How can I vote some more? I can vote everyday for Croncast?

Answers: Yes, yes, yes, and yes!

How?

Click the green button at the bottom of this page.

New Contest!!

Send Betsy the a story of the funniest thing that ever happened to you and you could win . . . this set of fabulous Vintage Collector Edition Pac-Man glasses that are near mint quality!

The contest ends on Friday October 7th and the winner will be announced on Monday October 10th. Good luck! Betsy will pick the winner.

Tags: kris betsy croncast thinks women