walking | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

On Walking Home

Fri, 01 Jul 2011 17:33:37 -0500

word

Tags: abstract

on walking home

Sat, 11 Jun 2011 09:43:19 -0500

Tags: home walking

No Express, Hobo Sweat, Swag Dump

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 21:29:08 -0500

Episode: #663
Length: 31:02
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

No express
Leftover sweat
From a hobo lovefest
Walking in Brooklyn
Park Slope sipping a 32 oz Michelob
Explain that to the kids
The bottles all have stories
Back to school shopping at BlogHer
Yes, in the swag dump pile
The kids are set

Tags: hobo juice park slope flatbush ave blogher shopping no express

Sebaceous, Raising Leona, Stand By Me

Wed, 04 Aug 2010 21:08:57 -0500

Episode: #661
Length: 31:09
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Wear that shirt
I feel better all dressed up
Where is the real Betsy?
Sebaceous
That should never be done
14 years of marriage
Your pustules are off limits
Stand By Me train track walking
I lived it
From the scene of the crime
Raising Leona Helmsly and Bob Denver

Tags: train tracks time served crime scene Sebaceous leona

DNA Test, Mobile Dog Washer, Time Machine

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 17:10:12 -0500

Episode: #652
Length: 27:18
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Piling it in
Booth Scavenger
Gene testing
Peel of some DNA with a pocket knife
You would take it from my forehead
Just so you could mark me
To know not to come back and test later
Speed walking
The dog washing is not a career choice
On the mobile
Dirty Pekinese

Tags: one eyed pekinese aprtment dogs dna testing time machine

Season 26 Episode 02: The Croncast Shorty

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 17:05:15 -0500

Episode: #652 The Croncast Shorty
Length: 3:56
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

Tags: one eyed pekinese aprtment dogs dna testing time machine

Legless Junker, iPad Love, Birthday Booze

Sat, 10 Apr 2010 11:21:46 -0500

Episode: #612
Length: 29:00
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Fixing the iPhone streaming issue
Apple is tough on this
One day it just quit working
I feel like the worm in the Apple
I have a new enemy, Kris . . . red wine
I've seen you use a Night Train bottle as a pillow
Can you just breathe in my face
Birthday party and free booze
You lack control
Drinking with the ladies means sleeping on the bathroom floor
You are 34
That is too classy
You can't throw up in front of the baby sitter
Your pillow next to the bath tub
5 feet 9 and your feet are hanging out into the hallway
If I took a photo people would think it's a crime scene
The last time I got that drunk . . .
Please, do you hear yourself
Well, you're not a lady
Love hanging with the nerds
You can't bring McDonalds in the cab when you're gonna puke
We were like two Hummers walking down the sidewalk
Chatting with the baby sitter
I love your iPad
I am going to wear the same clothes out tonight
After I spray myself with Febreeze
Back to Illinois
Garage sale times
He passed me
Legless junker
The 1995 Barbie was the prize
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: birthday booze baby sitter iPad love legless junker custom scooter

Season 24 Ep 12: Croncast Shorty

Sat, 10 Apr 2010 11:07:32 -0500

Episode: #612 The Croncast Shorty
Length: 4:34
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

Tags: birthday booze baby sitter iPad love legless junker custom scooter

Conversion Van, Sears Catalog, Hazard County

Wed, 17 Mar 2010 16:21:48 -0500

Episode: #603
Length: 27:45
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Getting the pennies out
The Office is mine
Electrified
There's a hole in the fence
Grubby old schools
Walking out of the zoo
Out horribling mothers
You can't hang with them
What kind of man does that on a park bench?
Homemade conversion van Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: penny bags sears catalog britax conversion van

Season 24 Ep 03: The Sampler

Wed, 17 Mar 2010 16:04:44 -0500

Episode: #603 Sampler
Length: 4:47
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

Tags: penny bags sears catalog britax conversion van

Green Pants, Entering the Scene, Chicagowaukee accent

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 18:40:15 -0600

Show: #542
Length: 30:33
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

I walk out on the stoop every morning to pick up the Times
I have on my robe, bunny slippers
You wish you could afford the Times
That's true
Or had a stoop of my own
Trampled by clicking heels heading out of the building
What I like about New York is you can count on people
You can trust them
However, you can't trust the New Yorkers that wear green pants
They will slam doors on you
Push you off the curb in front of a bus
The have an alliance with leprechauns
It's true
Trying to transcribe your kids homework from accented folks
We couldn't understand each other
You're accented now too, baby
You've toured the midwest
They can't understand you
Your Chicagowaukee accent
It's all about dominance in NY
Passive dominance is the flavor of the relationship
It's like entering an improv scene
Costco in the city experience
99/100 emails are for you
We did get noticed on the street
We handled it horribly
The kids were like what?
Really you know who I am?
The walking class is stuck during the NYC marathon
Only people left were us and the runners

Tags: Chicagowaukee leprechaun bunny slippers NYC marathon

The New York Days Begin, Feral Las Vegas Cats, Costco Lust

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 12:45:58 -0600

Show: #536
Length: 40:05
Format: mp3

Thank you!
To all those that are cool . . . you rock!
If you're not cool, you can get cool
Why start on the 13th?
I can't avoid the number - I should embrace it
It's always in my address
Homeless guy that sleeps in front of only that address
Working on the streaming version player
Will be ready by Friday
How should I know that 3XL in gay is in XL?
I thought things were fancy in Naperville
Until I experienced Elliot's public school
Can anyone ring the bell at NYSE or NASDAQ?
Grammy tickets?
Where is this place and who are these people?
Having a nice car in New York
She has a huge Range Rover
What are we?
We're the Walking Class
Party at the wine bar for the parents
I don't have a baby sitter
No worries, my nanny can watch your kids too
Thanks but I can't get there
Don't worry my husband has a car service
I was just at Costco, you bitch
No idea how I would even get there
The suburban delights are missing here
No alone time here
What kind of hell is to be in Las Vegas for a week
You would sleep with a girl named Debra
I did leave Miss Debra to do her thing
My hotel turned out to be a motel
And yes it had feral cats
I could hear water dripping
Sure, that was the dead hooker in the wall
Fresh sponge paint on everything
If you had been raised with a vagina
You never would have accepted that room
Setting me for slaughter
I thought I was dead
You have a story to tell me Mr B
Friday, baby
It is too long
You went to a penthouse party in Las Vegas
No, a Penthouse party in the VIP
I've got no idea how to describe it

Tags: Get Cool NYSE The New York Days Miss Debra No tell motel

it's like walking around with your junk hanging out

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 12:33:40 -0500

~ NYC upper east side

Tags: east side upper nyc junk

Season 22 Ep 07: Betsy's Clairvoyant, You're Grounded, Gameshow Desires

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 12:20:41 -0500

Croncast - 2009-06-16.mp3
Show: #533
Length: 25:51
Size: 23.8 mb
Format: mp3

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What you don't have is the funny
I'm bringing it to over 40 people Thursday nights
All in the old Seinfeld time slot
What are you up against?
Oh, yeah . . . ER reruns
They used to stay home for Greys Anatomy
Not so hot early on
Doing the shows for your cousins
12 people versus 50 and percentage laughing
Well, I can see you telling a joke in a restroom
All about pumping your ego up
Two fangirls waiting for me
Thinking they can't find the bathroom
"Oh, my god. You were so funny."
Bitsy's door star - they can't speel
The bicycle issue
There is no issue . . . I am the BMX'n boy
Kris, I couldn't ride a bike until I was 10
That is the plan the man is on
He got my physical genes
My neighbors got rich of off my physical ineptitude
I learned to ride in the grass
Of course you did softy
I saw a malleable four year old girl in front of me
She wanted to go fast
Daddy, go get the tool box
She takes the wrench from me
Takes the training wheels herself
Took 2 minutes to get her going
Then 20 to get her starting off on her own
Loving it for the freedom
Number one for her was freedom
The second is that Elliot can't ride a bike
She pointed it out, Not me
A stranger isn't going the pick the nutty kid
The other was her fear of punishment
She tried to give up
I motivated her
She got so upset that she just did it
All kids are different and need different motivational techniques
Just a wee bit of manipulation
One teaspoon of manipulation and one of sweat
You gotta throw in some love
You know that I am clairvoyant Mr B
Baby, you can't tell people that
That is just too much
Walking to school in a Marlboro Jacket
They had a denim one that I wanted
You could deduce that knowing my history
Betsy is ready to restart her career as a game show contestant
When you hit the track you become a robot
I'll be back later, I got ponies to read up on

Tags: Seinfeld bmx game show ponies fangirl

Season 21 Ep 25: The Breadwinner, Unhandicapped Joke, You'd Love it Here

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 12:45:36 -0500

Croncast - 2009-04-13.mp3
Show: #525
Length: 32:37
Size: 30.1 mb
Format: mp3

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Where the shows been?
I'm not well
Hear it in the voice
Why do men get sicker than women?
It is like quantum mechanical
Betsy, he looks really bad
No one was validating
You had a temp of 98.6
That's high for me
Legitimately sick and you just make fun of me
I talked with two people this week
That's it
It manifested as fevers, rashes, sweats, bumps
Let's give the run down
New IRS debt, no longer employed by BlogTalkRadio, starting a new business
Venture Capital is tight and requires travel
Betsy lays it all down . . . what I've learned in comedy . . . so far
Well, you are being paid
That $40 a week is going to take us through
You gotta finish strong
I picked the handicapped guy and made the most inappropriate joke
Well, the audience knew he was handicap . . . but I didn't
Later in the show my pants starts falling down
No laughs at this either
Here I am walking down the street
So what's going on with you guys then?
I'm not going to list it out again
Follow Kris on twitter
Join the Croncast Facebook group
We come around the pillars
There are people just smoking
Blowing smoke in tourists faces
Out of the corner of my eye I see these guys
Then hear, "You got this one, Phil?"
Flicks his cigarette
He's doing the new york fast walk
Of course the cop didn't care
What are you doing in SOHO with a hot dog cart in front of the Prada store?
The place of small dogs, tall women and street vendors on crack
I think you would love New York, Betsy
Sure I almost got robbed
But I even love the filthy, dirty New York
It's got high energy

Tags: Prada Store SOHO breadwinner NYC kidrobot

in need

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 20:02:18 -0500

this bear, in some other shots also, drew me to it.

it was positioned in the window to be child height for those walking by the window on the way in.

Tags: window child walking height positioned

Season 19 Ep 26: Kick Ass Mustache, Spilled Coffee, Toe Rings

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 10:54:07 -0500

Croncast - 2008-03-28.mp3
Show: #473
Length: 11:17
Size: 7.84 mb
Format: mp3

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Shout to Mike Dunn
You are digging yourself a hole Kris
Walking in NYC is not like walking anywhere else on the planet
Like a mommy in the morning?
Putting on deodorant walking down the block
Not one person looked at me sideways
Don't ask him for money
I love New York
I want to live someplace with a goat
They won't let me have a goat in New York
Well, when it poops they would see it
People just might want to eat your goat
It would poop and you would chasing chocolate marbles on the sidewalk
She had toe rings
That was it getting on the plane
The kids keep going ape
I knock her Starbucks down and spill it
I am in row one, so I can get out quick
I really wanted to help this woman
Especially, when the chubby hamster next to you spills your coffee
She says, "Let me clean it up"
She put on her toe rings thinking today would be different
Did you get a toe ring to the face?
Turns out to be Billy Bob Thornton?
No
He was four Billy Bobs
Did you put on deodorant before you got on the plane?
When the person next to you seeks comfort
She starts weeping
I felt like such an asshole
It was not just the coffee it was the culmination of lots of things
We really need to go
And that is it. This is such a short show.
The kids are wired
Spilled Coffee
Kris is sick
Regular shows and show notes Monday.

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: New York City toe rings Mike Dunn mustache spilled coffee

walking up 8th ave just passed ny times

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 09:20:32 -0500

15 blocks to go.

Most exercise in years.

Tags: blocks exercise years times ny

On my dome

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 18:54:55 -0600

Elliot got cracked on his head by falling snow and ice from a pavillion that he was walking under.

More embarrassed than any other emotion he laughed it off. If only we could have predicted Maggie's face plant a bit later from this falling snow omen ;-).

Tags: falling snow maggie predicted laughed

Season 19 Ep 4: Volvo Petting Zoo, Butter Dish, The Wheel

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 08:20:21 -0600

Croncast - 2008-01-14.mp3
Show: #450
Length: 38:50
Size: 26.7mb
Format: mp3

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New intro music keeps on rolling along
Posts are the items in the site
I think you lost dad at upload
That could be the catch phrase from a nerd movie
"You had me at upload"
Having the love of a nerd is like that of a Golden Retriever
The red in their eyes
Like the bloodhounds
We'll get your's fixed someday
You can get side by side
And then I'll get you plastic surgery, the both of you
We do dis and dis, but not dis
I should have bitten his face
We took the dogs to the groomer
Changing deaf dogs name every three weeks
What does it matter?
You know what happens to 15 dogs right?
Sure, they die
No
The dog is walking around with cancer and a 13th nipple
Dog groomers should know better and look for lumps
The number one thing that gets skipped is the finger in the butt
No one wants to drain a dog
Let fail you
Betsy likens web designers with Goodwill
The two handed dog shave
Like she was swinging a bat
The last time they cut off a mole
It was like a half-dollar size
Don't feed her by hand
She wants to even the score
How many times has this dog been to the pound?
Thirteen times
Mom is nuts when we go to vet or groomer
Sure, your dog is big and he pees on your knees
When we hit the door little deaf dog freaked
I didn't realize she was that aware
Of course she is
Then my mom takes on the trauma of the dog
I know from the Dog Whisperer that is not how to act
The dog wants someone to lead
First of all, she's deaf
I want you to write that in big block letters
She needs to be drained, I can tell
Then she feels guilty for bringing in the dog
I know how this goes
Then my mom will decide to put the dog to sleep
It only has one duty . . . eat what Maggie drops
I swear Shih Tzus were designed to catch spaghetti on their head
Just do what is least invasive
Gonna put in a Jarvik .021?
In six months we'll be Shih Tzu shopping again
Your mom is the Kevorkian of the dog adoption world
I got Wheel of Fortune auditions today!!
I know you are so excited
The sounds you were making when you got the email
If I win money I'm buying a goat
This here is the only petting zoo in the entire nation delivered to you in a Volvo
Designer outlet mall parking lots would never be the same
Two dollars, don't touch my goat
You need to be comfortable
What not to do
I was freaking because I thought from your yell something was happening
Sure, like Maggie went face first into a hot stove
Nope, just The Wheel
Eeyor tells you how to overcome your fear of success PBS special
What happens when Betsy is on and knows it?
You get too over the top . . . just catch yourself and reel it in
Kris, quit with the analogies
I say this as your number one fan
I have been there for every party where you hold court
You'll be fine
Marcus hits my cart
He says, "who the hell are you?"
I ask where the butter dish is at
His reply, "Oooooooo oooooOOOO"
The manager walks up and taps me on the shoulder, "did you see that doll house?"

Tags: dollhouse Shih Tzu dog groomer butter dish Kevorkian

We made it! At the auction

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 14:19:32 -0600

Walking in a heated machine shed in the middle of nowhere on pebble gravel.

We'll see what Betsy scores.

Tags: pebble gravel betsy scores nowhere

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 03, 2007

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 08:53:05 -0500

Croncast - 2007-09-03.mp3
Show: #405
Length: 33:11
Size: 21.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 03, 2007

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Short show notes:
Betsy can't handle not mocking me during
How can I now mock you?
Kris had to do the intro 27 times
No way
August melted like a warm pat of butter in the sun straight into September
Celebrating a laborless birthday
I can't handle it
The worst joke that Betsy ever attempted
Wow did that bomb
Been a crazy weekend around here
We're broke
Thankfully we live in Pleasantville
Oh my god the cup is so half empty for you
What else do you want?
The park public bathrooms have Corian
The man tells me he is good at that point
Those games cost money . . . who wants to pet goats?
I wanna go on this ride . . . suck it up
Daddy doesn't make enough money
It's character building Mr. B
The photos like this chicken riding a llama
This chicken sees your soul

Maggie was super excited to ride the ponies
The chicken on the llama . . . she never thought of that
The 8 by 8 portable animal corral
Filled with animals
Pigs are doing figure 8's around the llama's feet
It wasn't a petting zoo it was a petting corral
Same thing happened with Elliot at Lake Holiday
The kids get on to the sand pile
The super farmer, Farmer Rollo, comes walking to his truck
Farmers look like retired Floridians they are so tan
Silver hoop earing . . . a pirate farmer
That man is an owner operator
I run this joint, that's my 8 by 8 pen bitch
It was funny when he came sauntering by with blood spurting from his face
He's hustling to his truck
Applying pressure to his face
What's wrong with you?
The pig bit me
The thing about the pigs is they were 10 weeks old
They go vicious
Thought of his probiscus as a teet
He wants the Jaycees contract for next year
Maybe some more horses next year
The animals were all in good shape
Eventually he stops the bleeding
He tried everything he could in his truck
He was trying to be casual about it
One of those things that was interesting to watch
OSHA would have take him to task
That pig should have been at least 12 inches from your face
I won't tell you what they do to the runts
Speaking of death
We watched the Mount Everest thing on NBC
They left the guy behind
Poked him in the eye to make sure he was dead
Next day . . . he's awake and talking to new climbers
Can I talk to you about improv class?
Sure you can lay it out for me
He's a professional extra
The goal is to succeed as a team
Right, they aren't supposed to be laughing at one of you
Betsy, you have to hold it back
Am I sassy? No
Am I hyper? No
Am I a bossy bitch? Yes
You have to stop steam rolling over everyone
You need to remember that you run over people
I am glad you are having someone point this out to you
We are an ensemble and the rest of your life should be that way
I hear people laughing all day in my head

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Tags: Corian Farmer Rollo Pleasantville baby pigs OSHA

Move to Naperville and hang with us

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 20:28:35 -0500

Speaking of Mr. Klau, you can purchase his former abode here in Naperville. With this purchase you can not only have beautiful home with a sweet basement bar but you can hang with some of Naperville's finest nerds.

If you buy it, yes you reading this post, you'll get a dinner for two with Betsy and I to give you the dirt on your new town. Rick, Robin, this will sell your house!

This I lifted this from Rick's post about the house (if you are a Democrat check out the last line of this post):

And maybe most significantly, we loved how close we were to some of Napervilles gems: Ribfest (walking distance to that most gluttonous of charitable events!), Last Fling (seeing They Might Be Giants a couple years ago was a highlight), and the Riverwalk. We spent a ton of time walking around downtown - between the library (#1 in the country!), the restaurants, Andersens bookshop, events like Oktoberfest, there were plenty of opportunities - which was just a mile away.

We added a bit of history to the house, hosting Barack Obama for a fundraiser during his 2004 Senate run.

Tags: Naperville Homes Ribfest Barack Obama Rick Klau Andersen's Bookshop

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 22, 2007

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 07:22:02 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-22.mp3
Show: #400
Length: 35:37
Size: 24.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 22, 2007

The banner says #400 and it is correct
Betsy wants cards now
I am 50 percent of this show sucka!
You treat me like your cousin with a pick-up truck
"Don't ask me to help you move"
Put a sticker on my Volvo
"Don't ask me to help you podcast"
Suburban drama for you Kris
I have been hiding it all day
Bait and switch, You're like a dog Mr. B
Looked into the mailbox
And apparently some of our garbage blew into a neighbors yard
A ton of wet garbage was in it
There was orange stuff like I made it
If it had been out there a week why didn't you pick it up?
I haven't walked by it for a week
Since these people like grass so much
I am going to stuff their mail boxes with grass clippings
The 70 year old moms with college age kids here
One mommy walking on the other side of the street
I should segue back to when we first started the show
Bear you got to try
What has happened over time?
You started out positive . . . now look at you
I started out negative with no expectation for happiness in the burbs . . . now look at me
Yeah, I never leave the house
You keep driving my car
I have driven it 60 miles in the last 6 weeks
The last 800 have come from you
I feel tacky riding around with no hood ornament
What goes around comes around
Before we left for Seattle I was supposed to tell the traffic ticket story
Well, the court story from Denver
I didn't lie to you . . . I just didn't tell you
I knew better than to tell you
I was in a little Scion
Sure I was driving too fast
Has road food so swelled your man cleavage that you can't see the speedometer?
Speed limit should have been 65
Would Mr. Michael Scott please stand up?
This woman stands up
Judge asks 3 times if the person standing is Mr. Michael Scott
I'm thinking Steve Carell from the Office
People at my meeting told me it was speed trap
Made jokes that Colorado is out to get me
I knew on my way to the meeting that I wasn't going to tell
30 minutes of you yelling at me on the show
You would have told me that I was going to end up in jail
Mr. Michael Scott turns out to be a trucker
Betsy says, being pulled over while being tranny

We made it to #400! Thanks for letting us be a part of your life and allowing us to make you laugh. Yes, life is show prep and full of Croncast moments.

Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Steve Carell 400 podcasts Croncast grass clippings Denver moving violations

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 20, 2007

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 08:40:01 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-20.mp3
Show: #378
Length: 44:56
Size: 30.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 20, 2007

Tickets are on sale now for the live show . . . get your's or find out more

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Gots to keep it short on the show notes today because it is the Man's birthday and I need to get him set up for the day.

At the end of the last show we went into the found bones a bit but today we bring that story to a conclusion. At a length of around 45 minutes for today's show, you can rest assured that it was another thing that would only happen to Kris.

Here's a couple of keywords and phrases to describe it:

bones in the river
park police
city police
crime scene investigator
post 9/11 monster rescue vehicle
investigators
wet suit
bald man in shorts

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Tags: bones in the river Post 9/11 vehicle walking hot spot rubber boots sun burn