wild | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

original sexy beast

Sun, 18 May 2008 15:35:45 -0500

look at this flowing mane, sharp tusks and smooth for a wild pig hide.

Croncast stickers in the wild

Thu, 08 May 2008 08:16:54 -0500

Here are some shots of Croncast stickers that have made it out of the manpit and found caring new owners. Thanks for representin'!

Photo by: Josh Bancroft

Josh knows what time it is!

Photo by: glemak

So do glemak.

Photo by: Jesse Marvin

I don't think Betsy has ever been this close to a pitbull before.

If you've got a Croncast sticker picture send it on, we'll make you famous . . . or something.

I've been asked in the past who we used for our stickers and will throw it in here since they have awesome customer service, Sticker Giant.

Updates:

Photo by: Stepan Mazurov

Tags: ipod touch Sticker Giant Croncast stickers

Season 19 Ep 17: Small Fry, Baby Face, Knight Rider

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 09:49:40 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-15.mp3
Show: #463
Length: 43:23
Size: 29.8mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Jeanie is in town
Leaving some comments
The guy who sells stuff on tv
Getting our first C&D
You've got to be kidding me
The links come from Ebay
Didn't want to be told
It's all ESC fault in the first place
If you get one too ESC let me know
I will roll over like the big pansy that I am
Go to Google and
Stipulation is owning those two words put together
Like I own Mr. B?
Now if you say it I am going to sue you
I will find all
I copyrighted Jeanie's CB handle 'Small Fry'
Career choices
Look she married me
One wild crazy idea
Jeanie's face
I got you something earlier this week
I got a job
Where is my present?
I paid for that
I'm going all out
Did you squeeze some ground beef out of tube
Guys, I am trying to get a career
We know Betsy
What happened to Wheel of Fortune?
Not gonna happen
Just get back to people tell them it isn't working out
Find me the chubby stay at mommy stay at home comedian
Like my improv career that I pay for
The gig fell apart
It was an association party
They don't want
Is the man in the basement telling me that I don't get out enough?
It is your lack getting out
Yeah, we're gonna perform during dinner time
I had a flash back of the belly dancers at the conference
Holding napkins over crotches slinking off
The belly dancing went down
At the next party there was a bondage demonstration
The year before they had the painted women
Ewwwwwwwww
Jeanie might recognize them from the lot lizard count
Anyone named Velma under 72 is a lot lizard
Isn't your grandma named Velma?
Yes, she is older than 72
Did the people even want you there?
Jeanie dated that guy
I didn't date anyone on the road
For technicalities sake, you did have a trucker boyfriend
What was his CB handle?
They called him "Baby Face"
Baby Face and Small Fry
Did he have to sit on a telephone guy?
Baby Face turned you into a trucker
I thought we were going to talk about my resume
Karen Zhender gender bender
Why don't you eat your weight in free cake and we can blow this popcorn stand
For out last performance
"Whew, last one"
Passing on the highway
We chatted with Knight Rider
He had to pick is own CB handle
You and who? You said we?
Me and Sweet T
Jeanie, I love these stories
Where else did you work?
As a 911 dispatcher
No way!
You've got to have good stories
He was in the evidence 'shed'
Shed?
When you destroy guns you saw them in to pieces
He was sawing
Friction and a bullet in the chamber
He swore that he checked
Officer Twinkie shot himself in the leg
Stopping speeders

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: Knight Rider Jeanie Bowen Velma cb handle

Season 19 Ep 15: KGB Training, Easy Women, The Long Haul

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 13:07:51 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-11.mp3
Show: #461
Length: 33:28
Size: 22.9mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Pick post any post
Tell me what kind of man I am
What kind of dirty man
What kind of wife walks around slovenly
You've fixed it
You look like Theo on The Cosby Show
The shirt is crazy
Right and I love it
My mom bought it from home shopping network
It is designed for a pin
It looks like a bank secretary
When these comments come in
Yeah, they come from new listeners
Do you remember the Lincoln?
Having to slide out of it shotgun style
It was always falling apart
Passing money out the door at McDonald's because window is broken
There was a lot of tension in the house early on
Years worth of tension
But the shows got better
Our lives got better
I am surprised anyone listened
I love you but my friend hates you guys
You gotta work with me people
We've gotten a lot better at telling stories
We like to deliver a good show
Hence, the word 'show'
I don't sparkle when I move
On that tip, we've been cranking out the Resale Queen
Catch up now
It's a show about topics
Not nothingness
Buy it used on eBay NIP
My improv show this week
This is your big shot
A career option
Some might call me gifted
I don't know who those people are
At a party with Betsy
She shares this all the time, "yes, I skipped a grade"
That is one of the first things people tell you
Technically what we are doing here is illegal
No money changed hands
Thank for easy women
I wouldn't have been married if it weren't for easy women
You wouldn't have been born if it weren't for easy women
There is a woman at the class who REALLY likes me
She tried to undress me during a scene
Does it make you feel good?
So we got Bar Louie and now this woman
What are you learning at improv?
First rule is to be supportive
Second is don't undress anybody
Maybe it is you
Are you sending the vibe?
No, no, no, no, noooooooo
She pulled my shirt up in front of a room of people
Audience was like ewww
Nobody wants to see my baby tummy
It looks like I was attacked by a bear
80 members?
That is not a home owner's association
I respectfully decline to go down this road
I battled with the Russian chick again
Shopping with the kids is like having a wild raccoon duct taped to your back
You get to see everyone's ankle bracelets
She took my plates
It's her KGB training
You crossed the line and should have never done it

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: Homer Simpson Bar Louie Russian women Resale Queen wild raccoon

Dreary day, good times at the zoo

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 15:16:50 -0600

I think the animals at Brookfiled Zoo were a bit freaked out that it's January in Chicago and 56 degrees outside.

Every animal enclosure had mopey animals (what zoo doesn't) that appeared to be molting already. Gonna be a cold February for those poor beasts.

However, Betsy did get a shot of a Mr. B in the wild transporting its offspring back to the their lair.

Tags: zoo animals february poor beasts

One of those moments

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 17:54:24 -0600

With so much going on around here - Croncast hiatus, kids on vacation, seeing old friends, the holidays and looking for a new job, I've got time to be both stressed and relaxed at the same time. Which, has my brain in a wildly creative state.

I was thinking about my life today, and more specifically my life with Betsy, and the circumstances in both of our lives when we knew each of the other was the "one". We had many of the same friends and participated in the same recreational activities but had not all that much in common. It was the right fit though!

Since that time, over 14 years ago, and like many married couples there have been good times and bad times. In all of these situations most of my memories of them include associations such as people, places and the emotions of those times.

As I was processing this out today while writing some code I was able to sum it up, if only to myself, like this - the only ghosts in this world are the ones that we create.

Life is all about choices. It's time to ring out the old and welcome the new!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOURS!!!

Tags: New Year ghosts 2007 Croncast

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 10, 2007

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 09:08:08 -0600

Croncast - 2007-12-10.mp3
Show: #444
Length: 30:08
Size: 20.7mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Betsy laughing during intro
James Brown sang "It's a Man's World"
But that's all wrong
I've seen enough previews from Showtime to know
It's a lipstick lesbians world
No, Kris, I've watched enough Lifetime TV
Betsy has 'dranken' a little much wine
My portion size is off drinking it out of a milk glass
I am not drinking wine because it is grape juice with alcohol
What?
That is like saying that I don't like Boone's Farm Wild Island
So I went to buy some wine at Costco
You can't take kids in there
You can take them in there
No way, Costco is way to shishi
They have to stand outside and scream
Man, when I was a kid my mom took us to Walgreens with her to buy booze
No way!
Yeah, she would go to get prescriptions filled
We would walk into the liquor department buy booze
Then go back to pick up the prescriptions
You need something to wash the pills down with
My grape juice didn't have pulp, Betsy
Listen to me retardo montoban
Wine and grape juice are parallel in my brain
You again agree with me
After last week's shows . . .
I won't apologize for shows anymore
But they didn't have the full funny
Elliot went on a trip with Betsy
What would Grandma want for Christmas Elliot?
Something for her 'Pitties'
What?
Those things that you ladies have that grow out of your armpits
Do you mean breasts Elliot?
Ummmmm . . . I don't know
You guys got those weird undees things that go over your 'Pitties'
Do you mean a bra?
You can't buy your Grandma a bra for Christmas
One day you start itching
Then your Pitties come out
Grandma bras on eBay
Our kids won't be having kids
Sure, Betsy
Can Kris leave the house without returning with a story?
Nope
Did you leave the house this weekend?
Yeah, I left last night
Two nerds sitting in a bar next to one another
Loud music, and communicate through twitter
I saw my friends this morning at the Goodwill opening
My video tape buyer shows up
He is great
He would be in a Thrift Score
I mentioned that I was doing some new stuff
He walked away from me
I wasn't trying to hang
I was trying to over do it
The best time to sell 9 1/2 Weeks
They will raid him and he is creepy
His wife thinks he's crazy
What are you doing wrong?
We are soul mates, Kris
Betsy's jealousy comes out
We had a hard week last week
Interviews are going great
More this week and some follow ups

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

Tags: Wine Boone's Farm Wild Island Pitties James Brown Thrift Score

More Croncast, the more better . . .

Mon, 21 May 2007 14:30:51 -0500

Not always. Wanted to take this moment of your time to apologize for the double and triple downloads that some of you have been experiencing.

I mentioned there might be an issue because I updated all the feeds with new some new elements and well . . . the readers and iTunes are treating everything as new.

Tags: RSS updates Feeds Gone Wild double downloads podcast laugh

Buy your tickets now! Croncast Live - Naperville

Fri, 18 May 2007 09:11:08 -0500

Ok people, we are set. You can now buy tickets to our first live show.

The show will be on Sunday, July 8th 6:30 pm to 8:30 pm at The Comedy Shrine in Naperville, IL.

If you need more information or are coming from out of town and need hotel information call Kris at (630) 303-9065.

This is what I wrote up for a description:

Join us for the first ever Croncast Live!

If you think that we're funny on the show come and get a first hand look at Betsy rolling her eyes during the intro, waving her hands wildly and all my Mr B moves.

Doing a "live" show, "live" meaning in front of people other than the My Size Barbie's and Goodwill prizes is something that we've wanted to do for a while and we want you to be at The Comedy Shrine with us.

Betsy and I are thinking of calling this the Suburban Bliss Tour . . . well, maybe I am, but regardless we are set for night of dairy snake, moob and other Croncastisms.

Pacific Northwesters, don't forget we'll be doing a Seattle show in August! More on that show soon.

Tags: croncast live show The Comedy Shrine Naperville Croncast Live tickets

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 13, 2007

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 06:53:41 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-13.mp3
Show: #349
Length: 36:01
Size: 24.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 13, 2007

Triscadecaphobes, yes it's Friday the 13th
Does that mean you are phobic of triscuits?
Afraid of woven wheat?
No, it means that I am afraid of Sandy Duncan
She's creepy
Smack her on the back of the head and one of those eyes is coming out
She's old lady porn, one eyed porn a new genre
I don't think so Booba
Edison was shooting that porn way back when
Getting back in to small town mode
All over a golden plump
Maybe that's how they get so plump
I grew up really, really small town
My folks weren't farmers . . . just passing through for the rest of their lives
He was held back
Other people are telling this story about you, just differently
He had the 13 year old creepy boy stache in 3rd grade
The epitome of backwoods Virginia
He had tight curly brownish/black hair
Might have been the fact that they didn't have running water in the house
Sometimes it's like someone dropped you off on a journey from the center of the earth
My dad raced stock cars at the county fair grounds on weekends . . . I'm class all the way
We would go out to their house
Push the car off the property to work on them on the gravel road
Wild animals in all the junk they
You had wild ferel cats in your yard . . . different baby, I lived in town
He's come out in his underwear and run around
Half a mile from the compound
Of course we have to push it off the property
I don't want a cupcake from you
Farms are junk car magnates
That's what we near Bear, a some property where we can abandon our shit
Making me hold it till we got home
They had the 21st century green toilet paint bucket with sawdust like your friend
You didn't catch him that's for sure
I spied him with his junk in his hand
Enjoying himself in nature and chickendom
What is he doing now? It's a success story
He was an Edison savant
You don't need electricity to run a phonograph
Gotta get rid of your bear plug Betsy
That is so gross
Great day for me Mr. B
My sisters kids were sick and I didn't have to babysit
They just don't get my sarcasm it washes over them
She looked at me blankly
Maggie thinks her name is moo moo
Today was the first day of garage sale season
Twins and triplets sale was training camp compared for this
They were there . . . my people
The Mexican guy in his Astro van with his kids on a school day
The Blue hairs early in line
I'm here for a free bowl of soup or the sale
She goes off about resellers and waking up early
She's 97 Kris, she's so old that she doesn't have an old AOL address
She's grandma1@webtv.com
That man has his kids helping him out
Thank you Mr. B it's a business
You can't match this flow
And there it is Mr. B
I was put on earth to do this
The Madeline in Paris Doll house with all the stuff
Why Wednesdays show sucked
Betsy had Elliot's neuropsych evaluation on her mind
They were really arguing that it was his semen that caused the problem
The genetic crap
Kids with medical issues
At a kids party you can pick the parents based on their behavior
Haven't you been tested for bipolar yet? You're eight! Shit could be going on up there
Join up with the Croncast Cronies . . . thanks Kelly C.

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

Tags: Triscadecaphobes neuropsych chickendom garage sale season county fair grounds triscadecaphobia

Betsy and her husband Kris Feb 28, 2007

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 08:07:33 -0600

Croncast - 2007-02-28.mp3
Show: #343
Length: 39:12
Size: 26.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris February 28, 2007

It's the last show until April 2nd . . . and I am sick! Not on the show, but today.

Betsy and I want to thank all of you for listening, emailing, commenting and becoming close to us. Doing the show is something that we love to do and are amazed most of the time that it can bring people to laughing wildly and looking awkward in places like offices, trains, planes, cubes, cancer research labs or in their car when people pull up next to them and stare.

Starting later today there will be two nerdish ways to catch up on Croncast.

I will put up two new RSS feeds, one that will let you download 1 show per every weekday from the beginning of the show and another that is "Catch up with Croncast in 22 days". This RSS feed will deliver 1 of 22 shows on weekdays the entire month of March. It's like the first feed just for those who want to catch up quickly . . . if an entire month is quick!

And for those of you without the patience for either check out the archive page. The easiest way to download past shows is to subscribe to a set of 5 RSS feeds that I have put together and will have a little later today. That way you can download 'til your Croncast fix is met.

There are no show notes for today's show. Betsy and I have a great time to start off the show for 10 minutes and then get down to talking about something that made 2006 a very interesting year for us. You'll just have to listen to find out what that was.

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

Tags: Croncast RSS archive feeds Croncast archive spending moderated media consumption

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 12, 2007

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 05:54:34 -0600

Croncast - 2007-01-12.mp3

Show: #326
Length: 34:30
Size: 23.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 12, 2007

Today's show is brought to you by Ben Witt.
Also brought to you Black Box wine . . . just cause Betsy finds so delicious
Melissa is back with us again for a special show
She is going to sign up to be the Brockway Girl (I would link this up but the links are broken to their own promotion)
Melissa works at the group home that we collected and you donated dough to
She came on to thank everyone and get Betsy's hook up help
"Geek husbands are the best," Betsy
I'm not like them. Do you want to come over and play Wii with me?
I smiled and nodded but I really wasn't interested in it
You want me to what?
If you enjoy single life you will enjoy being married to a geek
Their direct deposit goes into your account
Nerds are loyal and won't disappear with your neighbor
Give'em lots of cereal
Mc Donald's gift card and no allowance
Getting your nerd 'sun like' light from special bulbs
Can we throw your photo on the site?
Hotter to every nerd . . . pic in front of mic
Not that I have been home thinking about it
Betsy has a master plan for Melissa
A beer girl to?
In Germany Kris could apply to be a beer girl and win
She should win because her last name is Brockway

"I don't know why you don't have a harem," Betsy
Melissa doesn't understand search engine results
She reads some of our search engine hits for the last 4 days

Girls gone wild, spice channel, nipples, girls gone wild on airplane, Hot pic french maid, full body corset, animal husband, Dr. Oz gain an inch,Goodwill store commercials, drink drano, canker, RSS girls gone wild, cuffs, sexy fifties, issues with john elway dodge, betsy porn, "vasectomy didn't work"

So that is how the world finds us
Getting a vasectomy in Tijuana
I don't where a t-shirt that says I have hang-ups
Even if he sees his friends from online he wouldn't know who they are
Look at Kris, that is the geek defense
You'll understand someday
I came on the show to thank everybody for everything that they gave to us
We had the best Christmas at the Lisle group home
The best one that we have had with them ever
Thank you to your listeners!
Today is Kris's last khaki pant day, it is over
Kris, you have to shower everyday . . . you'll get stars on your page
Wii tournament January 27th

Tags: Ben Witt Brockway Girl Brockway Chophouse geek husbands Wii tournament

Tony Blair doesn't get his own plane?

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 09:00:55 -0600

Even the guy who came up with the Girls Gone Wild videos has his own plane.

According to CNN:

" British PM Tony Blair and family on plane that missed turn onto taxiway
None of 343 passengers aboard the jumbo jet was injured, officials said
Blair was reportedly en route to stay at home of former Bee Gee"

All of those people couldn't have been staying at Barry Gibb's Florida shack. I suppose he could be rollin' with an entourage from Britain's Labour Party?

Tags: Tony Blair Britain's Labour Party Girls Gone Wild Barry Gibb British Airways

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 11, 2006

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 07:17:53 -0600

Croncast - 2006-12-11.mp3

Show: #312
Length: 32:16
Size: 22.1 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris December 11, 2006

There is no laughing only coughing
The three times intro
Mommy isn't going to sell it
Betsy spends the day potty training with Gigi
Hugging the toilet
Grabbing the diaper
Maggie passed 'yes' for 'yeah'
I got a coupon for the Avenue
The first day of potty training sucks
Is there a doggy door for shoe salesmen?
Betsy gets her Build a Bear Mumbles the penguins
She got them stuffed
Gotta think about the busy moms
"Santa brought you a fucking deflated stuffed animal."
Getting it in the mail 30 years later . . . it smells like home
Marlboro the penguin
Heap of Mumbles
He won't let Betsy pick up the stuff she bought for the man
Buying frozen burritos by the case
Her friends are in the TV
Betsy is watching the snaggle tooth
Betsy is taking charge
Unless you are shipping a python or a wild boar then you select yes
Betsy can't handle when people mess with the Post Office shipping kiosk
It won't fit on the same site as the address
The human doesn't read the bar code!
Are you sure?
Matching coats for the baby and her doll
The Jo Anne Fabric
Who makes their clothes any more?
Tie the fleece together to make a blanket

Tags: frozen burritos Gigi potty training Build a Bear Mumble Jo Anne Fabric