winner | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Season 20 Ep 16: Sellers Hate Hoarders, not the Game, Golf Stance

Wed, 14 May 2008 07:20:58 -0500

Croncast - 2008-05-14.mp3
Show: #491
Length: 19.7
Size: 28:40 mb
Format: mp3

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Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2008 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

Betsy "Classified Ads" Smith
That is your new name
You're like silly putty
Let me see your palm
I guarantee that their is an ad transfered to it
Did I see a Happy Mother's Day Classified ad?
Nope
Did I sleep on a floor for you?
Mr B I am going to kick your ass
I don't want to hit golf balls
Then I win by default
You are very competitive
My brilliant delightful wife made it rain golf balls
I thought it would be like a coffee machine
I wanted a cute paper basket with a handle
The second of the idiots is now here
They should put up a sign
There was a sign I am sure
Based on how you played it should be bright pink
You are so full of crap
I couldn't put my arms around you
Resting in your schwetty palms
A boy at the disco
You missed the ball completely
Then I got it dialed in
I was the winner no doubt
The driving range isn't on my to do list
If you had one we would have been doing the next
I am a bald man, I don't need to be sleeping on carpet
The divets on my head were too much
I won't make you sleep on the floor
Call you Betsy "Lemon Juice" Smith
This is my super bowl weekend
Where is the sale this weekend?
Bears, 23 consorted sub divisions all at once
They have a consortium of sub divisions?
Yes
Betsy now reads the classifieds
Leaving your boxes on the driveway
Somebody is going to steal them
UPS picked them up
Are you sure?
What are the rules?
You show up first and the item is your's
They might share a bag Gardetto's
You have done this to her
Bird Lady I am going to get you
I am going to walk around with

Tags: silly putty classified ads sub division consortium

Season 19 Ep 20: Stage Mommy, Tight Wrangler's, Your people

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 09:58:54 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-27.mp3
Show: #466
Length: 26:35
Size: 18.3mb
Format: mp3

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You look business like today, Kris
Are you kidding me?
Are you looking at me or did you lose eyesight?
You can't say the you actually left the house
Not once did I leave the house in the last 1 1/2 since I started working at home to work
Sure I traveled and did work but when it was time to work I was at home
Every time that that I go to a Caribou or a Starbucks
There are always
Maybe they think what you and I do is ridiculous
You have tons of passion
Your new routine is to work until 1 a.m.
I watched The Wire on demand
I've been working 14 hour days baby
Spending lots of time at 6 am with our son
He's got a great creative mind
Betsy, you are becoming a stage mommy
You are
The vicariousness of you actions is evident
You should just be outside with him
I was never interested as a kid
Yeah, but now you are
He doesn't have any fear about talking to people
Bursting into song in the McDonald's restroom can be embarrassing
He's got bad coordination like you
You need two mirrors to even see your hair
Why are there no Goodwill scores lately
Clean out their whatever?
I am waiting for grandmothers to die so their kids can donate her china
Baby, I don't know about your business plans
They all involve death
Like what?
Uh, Murder McMansions?
Oh, yeah
It is a good thing I don't have a ton of insurance
It's a good that that lottery winner in Georgia was a woman
If her husband had won he would have left her
Do you fear that?
The debt reduction plan
Having some drinks with Mike Marusin
Join Twitter!
Kris - http://twitter.com/croncast
Betsy - http://twitter.com/resalequeen
The Guinness Girls were there?
Yes
Did they have muffin tops?
No
Then they were girls
You don't make enough for me to get my boobs fixed
Then you could get a Guinness girl job
I could do apple bottom jeans for cowboys
Most farm girls with tight jeans got that weird butt
How do they get that?
From riding horses
Strong butt and thighs
At the FFA convention the Wyoming female contingent could crush cars
What are you plans for after 500 shows?

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: Wranglers Guinness FFA stage mother funny accent

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 03, 2007

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 09:32:34 -0600

Croncast - 2007-12-03.mp3
Show: #441
Length: 33:28
Size: 23.0mb
Format: mp3

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Note: Something was off with the sound level on Betsy's mic in today's show and I didn't catch it until it was too late. Content wise, well, they all can't be winners.
Welcome to December
Ron Paul is taking Naperville by storm
If Rick was here this wouldn't be happening
Tell me why Iowa gets to pick the best candidate?
I dunno
I don't have a better answer
That is what I am talking about
It's needed for the parties to have a race and for the media to have a news cycle
Live blogging from a combine in the field
I like to see how far away I can find something to listen to
I didn't chase it on the quad
The law of the land says you gotta sit in the tree
It took 10 men and new named jr. to kill a deer
Are we gay or gangster tonight?
Oh, baby
Iowa matters to the candidates and the media
It's all bunk
Did you now just hear me?
They got the world's largest truck stop
You totally agree with me
My path has been illuminated Mr. B
My inner gyroscope has stopped spinning
Don't fall over
I'll talk more about our perfectly good babysitter
You need to bring it
She looks at me and says are you the comedian?
Are you the model?
I'm paying to learn how to be a comedian
If I were a doctor I would me doing bush medicine
Is there a big expectation to be funny?
There is always a standing expectation that you'll be funny
Brunch, play date, dinner or church I have to be funny
You're like a young Don Rickles
I saw him again, the Starbucks stalker guy
At church I had to follow two cases of breast cancer but I still slayed them
You're mom comes home
"Can you believe I had to go to three stores to get a dog sweater?"
Uh, no
The fact that you didn't have to go to 80 blows my mind
She dressed him in a rain coat
It wasn't a rain coat Kris, it was a fisherman outfit
We're thinking about doing another live show

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Tags: dog sweater Starbucks Ron Paul inner gyroscope Don Rickles

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 09, 2007

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 07:21:44 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-09.mp3
Show: #431
Length: 34:07
Size: 23.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 09, 2007

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Croncast been holding it down for 3 Years
431 podcasts as of today
You got 3 years from us . . . leave us 3 sentences in the comments
You should play some of the old interviews
No
People can still download them, but I'm not playing them
Your kilted friend
That was an awkward situation
Oh, the Renn faire . . . what goes on there?
Can you create chemistry
I did the snowmobile show
It was the number one show in the world for a while
Then it disappeared
Yeah, Nick decided it was over . . . no moolah
Betsy, I got in your proximity
I feel sorry for your microphone
You need to brush your teeth
What is that crap you are eating
The humus
Not quite as bad as the Aquadots
I told you they were poison
Yeah, but you say every toy is poison
Any item is actually life threatening
I look at the world in the form of 'If I needed to defend myself in prison
Hey, I'm a producer
You could take over anything with a hot cup of coffee
Maybe I'll get my iPod back finally
Rock on Cronast
Do you know who this iPod begins long?
No more Samsonite luggage picking guys
Who the hell has an iPod full of ZZ Top
Speaking of things we talk about that offend people
Online degrees
Yes, Kris has one
And an AA from a junior college
I'm on the inside, I can make that joke
I worked in higher ed for 5 years
I watched the growth into online learning
We got no respect for it
Even from anyone in other distance education modes
I would still be representing as Captain Pizza making fine Italian pies
Working at a gas station is more of a psychographic read
I worked with a lottery winner
She won a couple million bucks
Just because she won the lottery doesn't make her interesting
I got lucky picking numbers
It isn't about how you won money, that isn't interesting
What happened with the money is interesting
Talked to a guy in Boston and he was like I made some loot
Then I left the country for 16 years
Don't remember it all
If I hadn't married you, I was this guy
It was like looking at myself at 65
Did your souls slip out and kiss
And minor nerve damage
Maybe he was eating Aquadots
There is something so unnatural about adding water to anything and making super glue
Seeing as how your body is 98 percent water someone should have caught that
Well, guys
Betsy is a mess
You broke down two minutes in
I am deep fried on the KFC scale
It's the job thing, the improv thing, eBay stuff and then class
You got to get on that
People need to just tell you what do
Betsy quit taking things dirty
What the hell is a safe word?
Yeah I know what it is
No one knows, I'm a deviant
I know what it is, that is what I was saying
No one at improv knew
Your audience won't know
The hell they won't, my audience will
WTF?
I have more respect with my audience than to talk down to them
I don't think I made it
You got to let it go
This is a good experience
You are learning from it
You are taking it off the deep end
You tried out for the local, yes local
They are here . . . not NY or LA
You just need more experience
Call them on it
Don't let it continue on
Deal with it and get an answer
Going to the DMV
They had the wrong soc # for me
They also had Slowsky still in the computer as being owned by you

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Tags: iPod ZZ Top DMV Croncast Aquadots Slowsky

Not because of Andrew Keen, but because of the medium

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 21:15:36 -0500

The winner for my attention tonight was 20+ minutes was the A&R Channel, ARC, buried deep in the Comcast On Demand menu system.

Don't get me wrong here people, I am lucky to have gotten out alive to write this.

What sits in the bowels of ON Demand is usually bite sized bits of crap buried five menus deep under a layer of mediocre software and a UI so thick that I loathe entering into it. It's like content quicksand.

Tonight, however, I survived and found something so awesome and worthy that I thought it was time to shout about it. In the Music section of ON Demand there was a button, link, what have you, that listed the A&R Channel. I pressed OK to select it (and so should you) and then paged to the second menu for Keen on Media. Clicked it. Then read the info on ARC: Andrew Keen (yes, that Andrew Keen) interviews Ken Hertz, a dude who makes a living as music attorney.

I guess the reason that I am so excited about this is that I watched a show that looked like it was a podcast. It looked like it came from the internet. It looked like it was playing from that Apple device that puts moving pictures on my TV set. And not to be left out . . . the content was niche. When was the last time you watched something on television and a guest said Web 1.0, Web 2.0 and Web 3.0 in succession? Never.

There sitting in front of me were the guys from the picture above, a media attorney and Mr. Cult of the Amateur, participating in the future of television; the marriage of IPTV, podcasts, internet shows, our television sets and the traditional distribution of cable and satellite programming.

So who's making it happen?

From what I can tell from quick research it appears to be Seth Shapiro or his company New Amsterdam Media. Does anybody know for sure?

Tags: A and R Channel Andrew Keen Ken Hertz Keen on Media Seth Shapiro Comcast ON Demand

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 19, 2007

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 09:03:17 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-19.mp3
Show: #422
Length: 30:17
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 19, 2007

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Tell a Friend Friday!
Pause the show people and do it right now
Sorry we been away . . . we'll give you some news on Monday
Lots of heavy commenting yesterday
Get your sms thumb ready
What if I don't have sms thumb?
Yes, we will share on Monday
In the meantime I have a rockin' story Mr. B
Ok, well get on with it
I'm tired of this house looking like a warehouse
Can't buy it, Kris will bitch at me
I have to find something small that I can sell
Go to Goodwill, nothing
Go to garage sales, nothing
Have the Russians taken over at Goodwill?
It's on, their pricing is out of control
Regional trends in purse buying
Runs through my mind 6 times a day
I left Goodwill grumpy
I roll out to the garage sales thinking about my plushies
We pass by an overflowing dumpster
I am a dumpster snob so a video game joint doesn't entice me
I have standards
New t-shirt . . . Dumpster Snob
I lifted out a big box . . . full of Xbox and PS2 games
Baby, you stole someone's stash
Vicky says, there's movies too
And turns on the car dome light
Turn off the light dude!
Used, abused games
So I want to explain to you why I smell like another man's perfume
Tonight I had an epiphany
Did you go back to Bar Louie?
The garbages are there before us
Vickie, "It's not against the law"
Betsy, "Shut up and watch for cops"
All these stores throw out product
Vickie, "I know where I want to go"
Betsy, "Where?"
Vickie, "Bath and Body Works"
Baby, you guys are losing it
I think it is dumb to spend more than $1.50 on mascara
Vickie is watching me behind the Alta dumpster
What do they sell . . . perfume
It's dark, so I say to myself, follow the smell
I am lifting stuff out of the garbage and smelling it
Just because it is in the garbage doesn't mean that I want it
You never park next to the dumpster
It needs to be so you can screech away
On the next Croncast, Betsy's get away tips
In the next pull, my brother-in-law's Christmas gift
The cologne
A zip lock full of cologne and he would be like way to go
Vickie, "What the hell is this?"
Betsy, "It's Nautica"

-----------------------------------------------------
This is the funniest story Betsy has ever told!!!!!
I am crying while doing these show notes
-----------------------------------------------------

You have gone beyond Sanford and Son
Much praise to you baby for holding it down so we don't have to walk over your merchandise
This stuff could cost you your freedom if you keep it up
You probably shouldn't be doing this
Don't tell your law enforcement friends about the show today
What's wrong is the fact you picked up a bag of cologne?
What part of your game that said. "This is a good idea"
I gotta bring her back something
The used hair dye was not a winner
It was the best smelling of all the bags
So speaking of crazy stories
I walk out of the airport and lady with lots of red hair is in front of me
She's asking a guy
I realize that it's Kathy Griffin
Segue from you dumpster diving, I met Kathy Griffin
I got nothing compared to you, Bears
She is taller in real life
That can't be said much for the Hollywood set
Betsy, "I would have said, You are a bigger fag hag than me. I fucking love you. Can you please autograph my tit."
Yeah, I wouldn't have said that
She's thinking, who is this fat dude in the camel hair blazer?
It's 85 and he's got a coffee at 7 pm and eating a sandwich
Thanks to Ben for the comment . . . much appreciated!!!
A little math on the Croncast free shows
422 shows
Minimum cost to produce $600 (lowest rate I would charge client for a show like ours)
Total: $253,200
You go and find another chick who will go ass up in a dumpster for entertainment

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To get your sticker send $2.00 support from the site or get 3 stickers for $5.00

Tags: Kathy Griffin dumpster diving cologned in a bag Croncast Dumpster Snob

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 05, 2007

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 09:24:12 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-05.mp3
Show: #418
Length: 30:21
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 05, 2007

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It's TFF . . . Tell a Friend Friday
Here's what we got going on
Tons of comments coming in
Today will not be typical show . . . we're reading comments
Lots of entries in my haphazard Google contest
Finding the ones that were for the contest were hard
Now we need to figure out who the hell these people are
Not like your legs are broken
Just your Jaguar
It is the saddest looking thing
Tags are expired, hood ornament torn off, license plate holder Magic Erasered and leaking oil
Did I mention I haven't driven it for about 3 months?
The voting at Blogger's Choice Awards is difficult
Thanks to everyone who visited
We're gonna read the comments and contest entries
Comment - You parents can find you if they want.
Saggy Balls 101 wants to party
Comment - No need for video
He's a purist, like a biker
I would do it as a three camera shoot
5 minute wrap up of week
Comment - The karma comment
I full well expect it
Since I didn't swallow the scope I am not on same page
After they listen to about 3 of these shows, guaranteed
We've had this discussion
Bottom line, I expect it and would respect their decision
Keeping grammy close enough to make things normal
You never cared about me
Let's move on before we bore everyone
Comment - Curl that gun hand into a fist
Comment - Kid getting picked on
Same thing that they were doing already
Mob of gigantic kids jacked up Captain Crunch and Cartoon Network
While he is eating his Kix and watching PBS Sprout
Not to say that my kids are any different
You were picked on as a kids too
Yeah, it made me funnier
Hope your kids use it as material later
When I wrote it on my folder I meant it
Grunge stick figures
You're psycho
Move forward please
Our whole meeting . . . there were many times
I would have caught you slow driving in front of my house
Lesson in beatup karma
The pom-pom squad is not the delicate flowers
Doubt there was delicate flower that hadn't been had in your school
Vickie got her ass kicked by this girl
What brought this on? I know you sister
I'm not saying that it was provoked
My parents came together and went to school
Vickie is now planning class reunion
She gets a hunk of the class list
I tried to find the girl . . . but couldn't after her last arrest
She was offering sexual favors at the court house to pay her tickets
Attorney's are perfect
There is no client, paternity privaleg
Comment - When exactly were you two cool?
Part of my psychosis thinking I have been cool since birth
Probably a social disorder
I proved that I am not cool by taking you to nerd convention
Elbow deep in the back of a goat
Don't you remember goat cervix bangles?
I invented those
My dad was on Montel
And my baby sitter was Cindy Crawford
People have know me for 20-30 minutes before I tell them
We both have a lot of self-confidence
We went through crazy shit together
Captain of the pom-pom squad is not cool
Maybe in Sycamore
They went to drink out of the cow tank

Contest entries - if anyone of these is yours leave a comment with your email and I will get back to you to get your address for stickers

We read all of these on the show and tell some stories in between

1) croncast geek star kris and smoking Betsy are you still doing that? How are you going to locate a winner? by name? Robert
2) kris smith a man who can survive betsy
3) kris smith a man who gets locked in the basement by his loveing family
4) kris smith living the dream in naperville
5) croncast rockin to van halen
6) kris, this is your mom, I have a knife to send to maggie! give me your address!
7) worm farm sex
8) croncast betsy cow print
9) croncast betsy loves dawn
10) croncast Kris -"How are you going to know who submits the search?" -Kore Peterson -"The first to leave a comment for you via google."
11) croncast Kris get out of the basement and live life
12) croncast Kris loves John Elway Dodge
13) pics of sweet ASS street racing cars
14) betsy hates blue hair death to dawn
15) kris, out of puffy cuff goodle ideas
16) puffy cuffs are sexy
17) nerd bearded kris
18) +croncast Leave the comedy to Betsy
19) (kris betsy croncast) -"The blubbery bald bear's brawny baby batter befouled the bountiful, bodacious, bouncing boobies of betsy"

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STICKERS!
Here's what it will look like . . . inside the red area with rounded corners
To get your sticker send $2.00 support from the site or get 3 stickers for $5.00

Tags: Cartoon Network Magic Eraser TFF Evo Terra goat cervix bangles

Connect with me on LinkedIn

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 07:39:46 -0500

As I tie up some lose ends this morning with blog posts that I have wanted to make for some time I remembered this gem . . . LinkedIn. For those of you that are using LinkedIn feel free to add me. This be my profile.

I use my Croncast email address, the "that's Kris with a 'k'", for the service. So when you want to add me and you don't want to pay the $20 bucks a month to do it with one click my email is the winner.

LinkedIn is a professional social networking type of site. I've used LinkedIn for a while and have had some success in getting leads and sharing referrals with friends.

Tags: Kris Smith LinkedIn profile Kris with a k Croncast email professional social networking

Today's winning search terms all relate to Al Gore

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 14:00:23 -0600

Poor Al Gore, and winner of today's funniest search results for this post are:

1) Al Gore botox
2) what happened to al gores face?
3) grammys al gore

I guess the funniest part is that I didn't expect to get many search hits for this because I thought it was just me who was creeped out by the "aging rock star "work that had been done on his face. Not so. Now I feel a wee bit more normal.

I would like the old Al Gore face back. I'd even take the bearded one.

Tags: Al Gore's face Grammy Awards Al Gore Al Gore botox Al Gore What happened Al Gore

Betsy and her husband Kris Feb 21, 2007

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 06:56:10 -0600

Croncast - 2007-02-21.mp3
Show: #340
Length: 35:09
Size: 24.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris February 21, 2007

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We don't trust you for vacations or cars
How creepy you are
Sitting at dinner and you'd bust out a stat on listener age
I don't want to change the show
I tries a demo plug
Who would advertise on our podcast?
Brand association
Dancing George Bushes
How do we add that to an audio podcast?
This show is brought to by a lot of people
Kris botches all the names
Sue B, I am sorry
So you have something for me that is disturbing and disgusting
For the last half hour you made me watch the NBC sex predator show
Sir is there anything that you want to say?
Sounds like vague entrapment
Get an attorney
That is when you end up with a female judge
They end up living in a trailer in the Mojave desert
Do sex predators end up working fast food?
Enlighten me to your idea
You finally got it out of here
Besides Spice Channel these were the winners of today's messed up searches
"my size barbie" modification s*x d*&^ (rather not have this get pulled up by search engines as real)
I told you that some pervert would do it
Oh, baby you are so wrong
It's too big and they are creepy
It's a 6 ft tall woman crammed into a 3 foot tall body
Of course creepy dudes are trying to bone them
"lactating for husband"
What do people think when they find us as a search result?
Oh, hey maybe I'll listen to this show instead of do Barbie
These contrived justice shows suck
It's all about what's wrong with America and how the Internet is destroying the world
Some people need their attorney before they go online
The setup television shows
The world doth go on, Kris, without you
Betsy's reality TV addiction
I Love New York
Real Housewives of Orange County
Rob and Amber
I wouldn't know what the internet looks like I can't use a computer in this house
Everyday in this house the UPS man rings the door bell and runs off like a gelding
When you are married ladies don't follow Betsy's example
So we're taking a month off

Tags: Dancing George Bushes Rob and Amber NBC predator show criminal entrapment vacations and cars

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 22, 2007

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 07:13:49 -0600

Croncast - 2007-01-22.mp3

Show: #330
Length: 33:22
Size: 22.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 22, 2007

Today's show is brought to you by Henry Busby
Kris thought he would be cool and Betsy shoots him down immediately
Yes, it wasn't that cool
Leaving comments at Croncast, please do
Wii comments on the Wii friend code post
"I love my Wii," Betsy
You're trying to steal my thunder
I'm gonna pick up this dusty Wii and go pro
Betsy plays tennis for 2 hours and makes it
Something fabulous should happen when you make it pro right?
Betsy makes tennis pro
Tiny little start!
Shave 10 pounds off my Wii
Betsy's Mii is too lifelike
Kris did a great job making her Wii
I didn't do anything to it that would make it out of the ordinary
No clue as to what you're husband would change about you
"It looks just like me"
Wii tournament is next weekend
Betsy is going to auction off all my old electronic equipment on eBay
The Zune . . . I have to have it for a corporate client
Nobody is going to use it, but the lucky winner of my auction will
You are the worst with money Mr. B
Brown is not cool
I can't believe you bought a brown one
Can you imagine wearing this brown brick on your hip at the club working out?
It's a step away from the normal colors
Has design sensibilities
The broken iMac
Betsy starts the swearing fit
Nick T is real . . . his mom left us a message, right on!
Slowsky's spirit is back and haunting Betsy's new car
Betsy can't hold it together with car guys
The dealer says they can't get up in for a week . . . right
The haunting continues
Is that normal to happen with a car that has 3700 miles on it?
Did you spill something in it, mam?
Betsy escalates with the car guy immediately
Kris steps in to slow it down
So Volvo of Lisle supposedly fixed the car
If you want us to wash your car it will take another 20 minutes
The sign said it would be clean when I got it back
And the dealer wouldn't give me a loaner car
Betsy goes out with a friend Saturday night
Tries to start the car that she picked up 7 hours before
The car won't come out of park again
It is now abandoned at her friends condo complex
THE CAR IS BRAND NEW!
Her friend tells her it is a lemon
Volvo roadside assistance will be called Monday morning
Do you know the effort it is going to take?
You're telling me that I need to start the Slowsky saga all over again
Hoping that this is a symptom of a greater problem
Well, Zues peed on someone again . . . she was pregnant
She's going to fall and give birth in a puddle of dog urine
And Betsy bolted

Tags: Henry Busby Volvo of Lisle Volvo V70 Volvo Lemon Brown Zune