winter | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

grubs prepare for winter fun

Sat, 26 Feb 2011 10:41:06 -0600

The Night Out, Black Coats, Greasy Spoonage

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:32:47 -0600

Show: #541
Length: 32:33
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Leaving the comments
Sexy Betsy
That is all that I am calling you from now on
Like Galore Vixen
I went out with a new friend
It's hard to know what to dress like with new friends
She's a cool, cool kind of chick
Got pink streaks in her hair
She's a mommy, she's a nice lady
Guilt laden Bear speech
What?
Like wearing laundered clothes?
You gotta fill in the gaps
Had to put in earings
Always, but that is gaps of two years
Cough, cough
You didn't sound awful before
There are plenty of other folks that take 5 photos of themeselves a day
Maybe, they do
Let it hang there
Everybody here wears black
All winter coats are black
They all want to melt, it's like camo
Fast food is a class issue in NYC
If someone could ship me a chili cheese burrito from Taco Bell
The greasy spoon with Rolls Royces parked out front
It's a friggin greasy spoon
Park it in the cross walk
The kind you want to be!!
Driver will play on his iPhone while he waits
Angel the pitbull that attacked me
What kind of tool knows the name, got attacked and puts up a flier?
Talk of the NYC rub and tug joints
I was too busy doing the farmer's daughter

Tags: betsy smith night out pink streaks farmers daughter

Season 21 Ep 17: Fly home stoned, Polyester rugs, Gesticulate freely

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 12:37:27 -0600

Croncast - 2009-02-27.mp3
Show: #517
Length: 27:26
Size: 25.2 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Get it on
Leave us some comments here or reviews in iTunes
Not really vicious
But spousal hate
Funny on many levels
A paid gig for Betsy
Will you be on IMDB?
I don't know what you're talking about
March every Thursday
Five other chicks all under me
Sounds like my kind of life
It's all coming together
Adam Carolla is now on the podcasting
Maybe we need to hire him
Six women under me
I want to write that book
Re-organized the basement
I had to get it on
Needed to change up my space
This winter is killing me emotionally
Short shorn polyester rug
It's 85 colors and shades of testosterone
Been stuck down here working for so long
I got a bit claustrophobic
Proud you cleaned up
Making space
I was afraid to touch your desk
Now I can gesticulate freely
It's like we're single again
Right from your mother's clutches to mine
You would be perfectly happy at public storage
Don't ship Grandma's meds via FedEx
So she can fly home stoned
Right, like God intended
Sherlock in Mumbai

Tags: Adam Carolla Podcast FedEx mule gesticulate freely Sherlock in Mumbai

Season 19 Ep 1: Big man small sled, CWI, Guilt

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 11:36:44 -0600

Croncast - 2008-01-07.mp3
Show: #447
Length: 28:54
Size: 19.9mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

We're Back!!
Fake intro
New intro
New show art also
Welcome to what we're calling, 'Season 4'
We gotta keep it fresh
The show turns out to be a huge part of our lives
We interact through the show
You don't talk to me about your life
Now all you want is for me to be your 'manny' and watch the kids
We need the show for sharing with one another
Some really hilarious things happened
Painful for me
I am still in pain
You whiney monkey, hush
I get to call him out on this fakey, fakey shit
Can I tell the story?
Sure, give it your shot
You won't be able to do it
So you went to Elliot's holiday play
You left early
And guilty you should be
I had to leave!
No you didn't, you are unemployed
I'm literally being drug under a semi by you
I can't tell you about my secret he tells us
I never heard grand finale
Kris cuts out early, early
Let me tell this story
You are unemployed, you have no business
You shouldn't even look at your watch, bub
And yes, I felt guilty
So you decided to take him sledding
Let me tell this story
I go sledding with the man at 'Winter Mountain'
It's a snowboard hill near the house
It goes like this . . .
Big man on a small sled
Big man meets mogul and ground with his chest
This hill is getting bigger and bigger and Kris
Why where you sledding Kris?
You are an adult
When I landed on my side it sounded like bubble wrap popping
My chest was burning and I was out of breath
Right and you call me!!! Me!!!
I am trying to rest
You would have been better off with a Hefty back greased with Crisco
So you refuse to go to the emergency room
Days later you are still in pain
It was killing me
I was trying to be tough for my son
Kris, I put myself in danger for you
For absolutely nothing I did it
There was no red snow
You weren't dead or dying
I finally get you Urgent Care
After x-rays
Remember to take deep breaths
You have a 'Chest Wall Injury'
Kris you have a CWI!!!!
WTF, that isn't real!
I learned that I am made of dough
I am out of shape and things that moved weren't supposed to

Two news items:

1) We talked about changing up the show but couldn't come up with a format other than what we've got. So we're going to continue on until we reach our 500th show in about 5 months. If we do any shows after that they are bonus.
2) We're starting a new weekly podcast January 19th delivered every Saturday. It will be a ResaleQueen podcast focused on, well, what else but resale issues.

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

Tags: Season 4 Urgent Care Hefty bags sledding CWI

My new winter cap (center)

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 14:42:12 -0600

Authentic native american headress. It started at $300 and no takers. Even at $150 nobody wanted that karma.

Tags: even takers nobody wanted karma

The snow has arrived

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 14:11:04 -0600

Winter is here and the sleds have come out.

It has taken us four years to figure out that our driveway is at a
steep enough grade to sled from door to cul de sac.

Tags: sled grade enough door cul

McMansions and farmers from our neck of the woods

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 13:04:43 -0500

Reuters ran this a few hours ago with not much meat or point to the article. I think someone was just happy to type McMansion, farmers and soft red winter wheat.

Hell, even I can't pass up the fun.

Tags: Chicago McMansion DuPage county farmers soft red winter wheat winter wheat

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 29, 2007

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 08:11:04 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-29.mp3
Show: #380
Length: 27:03
Size: 18.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 29, 2007

Tickets are on sale now for the live show . . . get your's or find out more

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Back from vacation
The show quality has changed a bit with new replacement gear
I will miss you UA 6176's but welcome the new dbx 1066 as an able stepchild
The dbx 1066 just doesn't have the same punch or open sound
Betsy is making up words "non-dramicle"
Definition - normal
Vacation with kids is racing to bed time for the adult vacation
It's a great time with the kids but for relaxation they need to be sleeping
Souvenirs gets Betsy going
No, you can't buy Maggie a rabbit pelt
Sure, 30 feet of rabbit pelts means 300 ft of sausage

Did I ever tell you what my dad brought back from a Florida vacation?
I bought you this really nice present
My sister gets a doll toy
I get a dead shark in a bottle
Yes, you have talked about your purely irrational fear of sharks
Shark week is just hell for me
I don't even watch television
It's so irrational
Have you ever had an encounter with a shark?
It's some sort of fetal shark in jar
It still had the soulless glare
That shit doesn't pass with death
I was afraid of death of the thing
I left it on the deck in the middle of winter
After about 3 weeks my mom saw it on the back porch
It had exploded, epitome of my mom's memories of my father
Then I had to go and clean it up
This is why I am a messed up person Kris
If it wasn't for my parents I wouldn't be so messed up
Ahhh, vacation was good
Doping up the kids with souvenirs to placate them
The "me" time on vacation . . . Indian gaming casino - Ho Chunk
Man, slots have changed in the years since we've been there
No more tokens or quarters for them
Digital machines with receipts that have bar codes
Tracking your slot usage
Betsy signs up with the frequent gambler program
I know you get a lot of class acts in here
You guys are making this too hard to spend my money
So I get you to come
The slots are now just computers
When you get tired of it robbing you blind
You take your receipt
A document of the heist that has just happened
Or a document that measures your joy in dollars
The great Wheel of Fortune penny slot machine story
Kris walked out with some loot in a way that only Kris could score it
Karma hooked me up
The all inclusive takes its toll when it comes to buffets
All the crab that we ate
The breakfasts and deserts
The breakfasts with deserts
The whole joint was staffed by Moldavians
They make some powerful drinks
Who knew that the Wisconsin Dells was powered by a foreign workforce?
Well, Chula Vista is

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Tags: Wisconsin Dells Chula Vista Ho Chunk casino vacation 2007 shark in a jar

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 02, 2007

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 07:46:22 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-02.mp3
Show: #344
Length: 39:56
Size: 27.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 2, 2007

It's good to be back!
Thanks to everyone who sent messages and comments
Four weeks of not being told you're fabulous has taken it's toll on Betsy
It's a thankless job being a house wife
Betsy really needs the show, she just won't admit it
I do like success Mr. B I just don't like to work very hard
iTunes users leave us a review in the iTunes music store
I've never been stuck on one thing
Yes, I was well rounded
I still have the sharp shins
The family knows me as the idea guy
But I stick to it like peanut butter
I am like that crazy inventor guy
The creepy guy who's in his garage all the time?
I have been waiting for this
Head first into break and I was excited
But Bears, you did nothing around the house
This will be a turning point in our marriage . . . Kris will start participating
Winter brings garbage
The sky opens and beer cans fall
Kris's sliding man pants while he works
Getting that backside tan
Can you turn around and lift your shirt
You'll have a pregnancy like slider to measure the tan for a man who does things
I get less sunshine now that I am working from home
And I've started losing weight
I have . . . like it is panic
Your Weight Watcherness of the last 4 weeks are putting the screws to me
My face is saggy . . . my tummy is jubbly
You'll have lost 6 or 7 ounces
Packing it in before was the truth
I am going to end up with a post-pregnancy belly
Watch yourself big boy
You never asked me to do anything on break other than bring in the garbage can
What if I buy you a ladder?
I'm done I cede the floor to you Betsy, now tell the Volvo story
Tidal wave in the car
Zeus was nowhere to be found
She calls me, "I was driving in my car . . . "
The way I don't ever want to hear Betsy start that way
I know that I am going to end up back at Volvo of Lisle
Yes, I was correct
We hit'em up to try to get it taken care of
The gist of it is that we are screwed
"You should call customer care and start there."
"Work your way up"
Reputation management matters but auto dealers don't care
This is a fluke but the Volvo reputation for a consumer begins at the dealership
They are the ones that should care
Once it is repaired Betsy asked for a price for them to buy it outright
Big mistake
Once she told them no new Volvo that she would buy a new car from another dealer it was over
Sure it is all soccer moms around here but it doesn't matter
Now we'll keep it til the warranty runs out unless something so bad happens that they will actually take responsibility for the car being a lemon
I never leave the house now
Which brings me to my point . . . I am going to sell your car Mr. B
You can't sell my car, baby
The farthest I went from the house in the last week alone was 35 feet
Talking taxes on Wednesday . . . strikingly vivid
We thank everybody for the emails, comments and the calls
Thanks for everyone who filled out the survey
Leave us a review in iTunes

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Tags: Croncast Weight Watcherness croncast returns Volvo of Lisle reputation management

Betsy and her husband Kris Feb 23, 2007

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 09:19:08 -0600

Croncast - 2007-02-23.mp3
Show: #341
Length: 28:24
Size: 19.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris February 23, 2007

A little late, a little under the weather
Do you need your inhaler?
I had that last winter not this
I'm surprised that you don't come home with an 8 inch needle
Wrong site surgery type issues
You can only put this behind his knee
I won't even let them plug him in
You would go in for an appendectomy and come out without nipples
You never heard Pink Floyd
The Wall was built up as such a classic but
The brain doesn't function the way is used too
It's all down hill from here
My pores are getting bigger
Double and triple hairs coming out of the same follicle
The cure for cancer has been put off a day
Betsy reads the email
No more Croncast while loading agarose gel
It does contribute!
Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

Betsy is going to take real estate classes!
I am so proud of you
So here's my LSAT story, Bears
Can I have that cross-stitched and hung on the wall
No being able to sell murder mcmansions is like being locked out of goodwill
I'm not like Donald Trump . . . I am keeping all of my hair
Early morning TV is quite possibly the prime example of our civilization's decline
Maggie counting with Sesame Street
Elliot has never been engaged by television
I was pack him a little hobo bag
"You can't hit your sister when she goes on on the potty!!!"
Don't forget that we are taking off the month of March
Send us an email . . . come up with some things that would make Croncast better for you
Nobody likes Dr. Phil and no one wants to be married to him

Tags: Murder McMansion LSAT testing appendectomy and come out without nipples agarose gel civilization's decline Pink Floyd

Volvo V70 the curse of Slowsky

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 10:26:18 -0600

As many of you know we divorced Slowsky months ago and sent her on her way to a certain death on someone else's watch. About three months ago as a replacement for the 7 year old beast we picked up a 2006 Volvo V70 at Betsy's insistence that this was the car for her . . . I should have known better. It is was an untitled demonstrator and only had 600 miles on it. It now has 3800 miles on it.

In the last three months it has been in for service 4 times (quickly to be 5 as soon as Volvo will come and remove it from our driveway). It has been towed once (soon to be twice).

The repair visits have been:
1) Passenger window that wasn't attached to the track at the factory so it wouldn't go down or up. Cause: Presumed drunken Swede.
2) A child booster seat that didn't have the release strap attached. Yes, the strap and accompanying plastic cosmetic piece were not physically attached to release the seat. So I pull and it comes off like it was glued with butter. Cause: Again presumed drunken Swede arriving late for work after churning butter at home.
3) Car will not come out of park or release key for 30 minutes. Got it in gear and drove it in. Cause: unknown.
4) Car will not come out of park 8 hours after repair. Waited 2 1/2 hours for Volvo to get us a tow in a metropolitan area that is pavement from us to Chicago. Cause: a clip of some sort was broken.
5) Car will not come out of park 12 hours after repair. It now sits on our driveway. Cause: Something is broken and the dealership hasn't figured out what it is otherwise I wouldn't be writing this post about it sunbathing on our driveway.

To say that we have been dissatisfied with this purchase would be an understatement.

Betsy is now worried about driving the car. Even if the future repairs do the job I can't blame her. Getting stuck with a brand new car, Moose and Maggers in the winter doesn't sound too appealing.

The thought that maybe the air bags were packed with popcorn wouldn't surprise me at this point or the steering wheel is held together with tape and bubble gum or that the car's computer is an old Sega game console from Goodwill.

There is no doubt that Slowsky is back to haunt us.

Tags: Volvo of Lisle V70 tansmission Volvo V70 2.5T V70 Slowsky

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 22, 2006

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 08:31:18 -0600

Croncast - 2006-12-22.mp3

Show: #317
Length: 26:14
Size: 18.0 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris December 22, 2006

Today's show is brought to you by Craig Patchett
Sorry for this one Craig but I was in a bad mood last night and the show . . . well . . . it is shorter than usual, we owe you 4 minutes or so
Black Box Wine drink it like a spigot
I is like a giant juice box
That is the nice part about living with your mom
Franzia, no it is not Franzia
"Better than Franzia in small print"
I don't need any of that
The cell phone photo
Discarded prophylactic on the sidewalk
It was really the parking garage
Not common in a corporate parking garage
Betsy thinks it is normal for a suburban swampland
I know you were pretty young, mr ziploc
Wanna see where I took all my dates
It looked like a slasher set
Let's go take a look at the stars
When you're 16 it works
Discard the Cub Foods bag totally loaded
So where are they gonna go kick it Mr. B?
Behind Old Navy? No. Because freaks like me need cardboard
It is just something that you can't discard
Getting a Hep shot
Most people need them not catch if from the K-mart bathroom
Yes I did get super outraged
Betsy reads about herpies . . . Kris gets cold sores . . .NO HE DOES NOT
That's ok Kris I have come to grips with your disease
I don't have cold sores
Stress . . . bleedy pockets, are you nuts! . . . canker sores
The Monday role reversal
Listening to old shows and Betsy says some mean things to Kris
Betsy has broken down and is back at Goodwill
It's like selling Italian ice in the middle of winter
I wasn't going to tell you that I was going
But they had something perfect for you
Betsy calls and asks me to send her money
I never complain when she asks for Goodwill loot
Karma says Betsy should be there
And so did Kris
Kris's little country ditty for Betsy
"I swore off Goodwill on a Sunday, I was back at store opening on Monday"
Maggie got some pretty Barbies
I got you something the other day . . . I gotta wash it first
"You can't put this in the show notes"
(&*&^*&%&%&^*(&(*&(*&((*
*&^%GU*^YUI*YHU*&YU*((&^
(*HH^YT^G&HUI(IUI(KU&*I
Cut two sides out of a white kitchen back and wear it around all day
(&*&^*&%&%&^*(&(*&(*&((*
*&^%GU*^YUI*YHU*&YU*((&^
(*HH^YT^G&HUI(IUI(KU&*I
Thank god for internet porn
Kris really wants a . . . yeah 10 years ago
It was a lifestyle thing
Betsy finally tells me what she wants instead of reading between the lines
I'll probably drop it in the tub with you in it
We will be back on Christmas day!!
Find a quite corner on Monday and listen to the show all by yourself

Tags: Craig Patchett Black Box wine Franzia Discarded prophylactic canker sores bleedy pockets

Use iTunes? Write a Croncast review

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 16:14:23 -0600

You love us right? We make you happy 3 times a week? Which is more than most can say for other things, ahem.

We have a mission for you, Croncast lover . . . if you have iTunes or use it to get our shows we'd like to ask that you add a review at iTunes for us.

With the winter holidays on their way and all the new mp3 players as gifts people will be looking for stuff to fill it with. And what better than 7 days (168 Hours) of Croncast episodes? I can think of nothing better. Let the newbies know of your love.

Leave us a Review at iTunes

Tags: Croncast iTunes review Kris Smith Betsy Smith favor

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 05, 2006

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 10:09:11 -0600

Croncast - 2006-11-05.mp3

Show: #295
Length: 22:32
Size: 15.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris November 05, 2006

Keep on leaving the comments
Comments even about the dairysnake
Betsy says it is time to return the dairysnake to QVC
Women in depends trying on elastic pants and deciding it's not roomy enough and the QVC customer service
"I bet the QVC return warehouse smells like old people. I love QVC don't get me wrong."
Zeus is upset that the dairsysnake is going back
No Falcon Bird . . . TailorByrd, baby
Did I get it right
Paisley pearl snap TailorByrd
It might be athletic fit but you'll have to girdle it in
Golden paisley pearl snap for the man now
Unless Kohls super Saturday is the trend . . .
You better drink your stupid soda
It's not a middle of winter shirt
Easter egg puffy cuff in other colors
The closeout TailorByrd shirts . . . very of the moment
They are like the 70's zip up boot
Your dad was pretty styling I'm sure
Wrinkle cream at 29
I know, I know, I know Kris
Could have gotten the merchandise credit but opted for cash back on your card
Maybe QVC will start selling carpet soon
Oh, my god. The dog ate his leash again
Kris is dog agnostic
Booba wants a running suit with a small amount of leopard print
Betsy's friend said nothing
Aluminum foil in with the hamsters
They didn't make it
Betsy is clairvoyant and reads my mind
I buried him in a box that I made in bible school
Everyone's going to bible school
Kris tells the dog to go away very calmly
What is that smell?
He peed on me
Can't start off by saying "scam"
The loose smelly dog
Betsy calls it my bad dog karma
Next show . . . when Kris was bitten by a dog

1) Fill out the appropriate form for you - *New* Listener or Get a Handle (current listener)
2) Verify your email address (Activates and qualifies those with a "Handle")
3) *New* listeners get activated and qualified by using their special RSS feed
4) 300th new listener and the person whose Handle they use win iPods AND
5) A drawing for 2 more iPods from everyone who entered!

Tags: QVC TailorByrd Zeus urine dairysnake bible school

The Black Keys coming to town

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 15:30:36 -0500

Just bought tickets to see The Black Keys perform next month here in Chicago on the 25th. This will be my first live show for a touring band since Jolie Holland in the winter of 2005 when Betsy was carrying the baby. Not that it ever stopped but not on her hip is what I mean.

The bad news is that we are on a little vacation to a water park in central Illinois that weekend and might not be able to make it. I am pretty sure we will, these guys are the only artists besides Tom Waits that I have an aching desire to see live.

If you're going to the show or want to go to the show and hook up with us leave a comment.

Tags: The Black Keys Black Keys Chicago November 25th Black Keys Tour

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 141

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 05:54:51 -0500

Croncast - 2005-10-28.mp3

Show: #182
Length: 39:56
Size: 27.4 mb
Format: mp3

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 141

Show Notes

The mime
Calling each other 47 times a day
Kris' birthday party events balloon volleyball and jello through a straw races
The Geriatric games
More chest hair than head hair
The digital camera fiasco
Telling a nerd they did good could be the most dangerous thing a person can do
We're not buying today
Prints only from the camera store
He's making prints from a Nikon D50 8 mpx
Kris' rats nest hair
Why didn't somone tell me I need to brush my hair
My hair looks like a pelt
I can't do the bald guy with a goatee anymore
Detriment in Chicago during winter
Balding over-weight men with goatess are the dominant species in this planet
Kris' goatee is like a shrub hiding a rotting porch
There is a podcast voice
Betsy is going to put her dipthong to work at the telephone porn line
Well, okay der bear
It is pledge and donation time again
Cyclical with NPR
Server money is needed
Betsy says $4 per month doesn't make sense, $5 a month or $9.95 is better
The kids aren't yours
The one year anniversary of Croncast is coming
Doing the show 3 times a week is difficult
Kris has other projects to work on podcasting and not
Croncast will be moving to one day a week starting November 14
Send your audio or email of your Croncast memories
Harriet Mier, "liberals will rue the day that she didn't get the job"
New segment, "Goodwill Tonight" Betsy does sound effects
Visual a steam sterilizer and a triple stroller
I'm taking it to Goodwill to teach you a lesson
Screaming serpent roller coaster and rippin rocket
Betsy takes on an 11 year old girl at Goodwill
Someone took her on, she was the home team
First born kids are sibling slappers
Kris apologizes to his brother who is ripped
The hariest, largest woman in Goodwill
Time to scurry away with the baby
Dart them and take their stuff?
Betsy decides to stalk the family
Applies social work principles to get what she wants
Situation assessment for procurement
Lowlights of the old days
Why people don't want to remember the worst times
People work through it and move on and react out of fear
If you look behind you feel like it can happen again
A lack of empathy
Falling back on family if it is an option
Social service programs
How did Betsy make this political
A bit too harsh

Tags: betsy kris croncast hair work