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Season 24 Ep 14: The Croncast Shorty

Wed, 14 Apr 2010 09:12:38 -0400

Episode: #613 The Croncast Shorty
Length: 4:03
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

Kicking it in the San Antonio
ASPCA cat eating the bed
Not a new animal
A shitzu mouth is not cleaner than a humans mouth
The hospital people told me so
The cat watcher
Why would you want to leave NY?
Buying all of the balloons at the fair
Rickshaws pulled by dogs
That would rule
15 sexy golden retrievers
Doddering bus surfers
Old people swearing is wrong
They're too cute or too old
The comics
Partying at the G
Winning your way to the Upper East Side
Trying harder to be fabulous
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: ASPCA cat doddering bus surfer upper east side san antonio

The Night Out, Black Coats, Greasy Spoonage

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:32:47 -0500

Show: #541
Length: 32:33
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Leaving the comments
Sexy Betsy
That is all that I am calling you from now on
Like Galore Vixen
I went out with a new friend
It's hard to know what to dress like with new friends
She's a cool, cool kind of chick
Got pink streaks in her hair
She's a mommy, she's a nice lady
Guilt laden Bear speech
What?
Like wearing laundered clothes?
You gotta fill in the gaps
Had to put in earings
Always, but that is gaps of two years
Cough, cough
You didn't sound awful before
There are plenty of other folks that take 5 photos of themeselves a day
Maybe, they do
Let it hang there
Everybody here wears black
All winter coats are black
They all want to melt, it's like camo
Fast food is a class issue in NYC
If someone could ship me a chili cheese burrito from Taco Bell
The greasy spoon with Rolls Royces parked out front
It's a friggin greasy spoon
Park it in the cross walk
The kind you want to be!!
Driver will play on his iPhone while he waits
Angel the pitbull that attacked me
What kind of tool knows the name, got attacked and puts up a flier?
Talk of the NYC rub and tug joints
I was too busy doing the farmer's daughter

Tags: betsy smith night out pink streaks farmers daughter

Season 22 Ep 04: Closets Full, NYC, Old Art Teacher Garb

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 12:14:53 -0400

Croncast - 2009-04-27.mp3
Show: #529
Length: 34:43
Size: 31.9 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Back to the normal . . . sort of
The accidental finders
People searching for cul de sac goatee
People search for that?
We last left you with the heavy mood
That's not what we're about
We're about the laughs
And I brought a funny story
Evidently they didn't have
Keep on bringing it haters
This is from your psycho needy wife
Yeah, hey loser in Fremont, we will continue to block you
Two-thirds of the opportunities are in the NYC
Start-ups are on a short life cycle
Whole life transformation . . . from cul de sac to walk-up
We have lived a city lifestyle before
I just want to have the ability to get another gig without moving after this
We have a lot of listeners in the New Jersey
Figuring out the trade-offs
Closet smoking in the garage
I need to stop that
If you want to have an f'ing discourse ping me
We're 85 percent sure that this is the path
You need to stop watching SVU
Every private school kid is committing the crimes
Mommy is an art dealer
Daddy is an architect
They are never around
Caught in the hot tub
The funniest shit happened to me
When doesn't it
I go outside the comedy shrine to have a smoke
And I locked eyes with a completely naked man
He looked at me like I had infringed his naked time
Was there a reason for him to be naked in his Escalade
This is prep for NYC
I feel like I'm just trying to be normal
And then there is the naked guy!
What time of day was this?
Noon
What was he doing?
I don't know!
You can't help but look at naked people
What do Republicans do at lunch hour?
They have naked time in their car
Rub their nudey butt cheeks on the seat
This had to be a hook-up
A bad Craig's List story
You could write SVU
It had to be Craig's List
You gotta give me the details
He also had hairy shoulders
The clothing party

Tags: Escalade naked man NYC SVU Craigslist

Season 22 Ep 04: Closets Full, NYC, Old Art Teacher Garb

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 12:14:53 -0400

Croncast - 2009-04-27.mp3
Show: #529
Length: 34:43
Size: 31.9 mb
Format: mp3

Tags: Escalade naked man NYC SVU Craigslist

Make better RSS feeds by not making them

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 08:00:20 -0400

Did you pick the content of the RSS feeds that you are syndicating from your site right now? Or did you let your readers pick?

Within reason my guess would be that most of you answered, yes then no. I know on my sites, even this site, I would have answered the same.

The solution isn't to create more feeds. The best solution is for publishers to create no feeds at all. Let your readers make their own.

Here are a couple examples why this is a better method for content syndication than relying on your own editorial skills.

Example 1: How not to do it.

Don't get me wrong on this, CNET is offering nearly all of its content up for syndication. This is an excellent strategy to create value from older content. However, do readers really need the option of subscribing to 100 plus predefined RSS feeds? Simply, no.

Finding feeds for the topics you are interested in is difficult. The worst of it is that you can only access them individually, i.e.; you want 10 of feeds, copy and paste them one by one into your feed reader. Sounds like a party to me. If you have more skills you might use a service that rolls all of them up into one feed for you. I would guess that about three people have done this.

Why overwhelm your readers like this? And besides, it is pretty intimidating for someone new to the RSS game. Shouldn't they be able to access your content in a way that makes it relevant to them?

Example 2: How to do RSS right.

What you see above is one of two flavors of how to let your readers pick what they receive in RSS feeds. It's a simple and easy to use text input that allows readers to enter keywords and phrases that they want in their feed. There's nothing fancy, easy access to old content in the straight-forward way that RSS is delivered; updates of the newest items first and set number items in the feed, usually twenty-five.

What the second screen shot shows is the magic of thinking differently about RSS feeds. This image demonstrates what happens when someone clicks on the 'advanced' link. The reader is then given control over every aspect of the RSS feed. They choose the content, when it is delivered, how much content, in what order (none of this newest stuff first mumbo jumbo - great use for episodic content) and how many updates to get at a time.

Who is better to choose than the person doing the consuming? RSS needs to be like Burger King where a customer can have it their way.

When this concept is applied to large volumes of content the value of it increases with each new article or podcast. Imagine if you could have this type of access at the NY Times or with your local paper. Even the obits from 30 years ago are now of value again. Value to the reader and value to the publisher with ad inventory.

The future of content syndication isn't in prescriptive channels created by publishers. The future is in the subjective choices of the consumer. They neither need or want every product that you have to offer.

We need to be smarter about our syndicated content via RSS and take into consideration how to make that user experience more satisfying. Whether it is by allowing users to pick topics or order of updates, something needs to change. Why? Because it is all about attention; the premium of which is measured in subscribers, influence and the influence of those subscribers.

Tags: RSS CNET readers consumers interaction

Season 22 Ep 01: The problem with show business, Restless leg syndrome

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 14:32:14 -0400

Croncast - 2009-04-15.mp3
Show: #526
Length: 29:05
Size: 26.7 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Living the dream
Betsy back at it with Goodwill and plates again
Heaping pile of plushies
Chicken wire can't be used in medical
What have we learned?
You could do a killer silk flower arrangement
I would crush you, Betsy
The components I would have
Sneaking a cigarette
It all works together
Wait till you see what I am going to do with it
What did you want to be when you grew up?
Away from here . . . that was it
Ending up in the t-shirt biz
It was a great time
I meant the Chump gear guys
Always wanted to be somewhere else than where I was
Restless leg syndrome
Rehashing the past
I had no idea
And I have no idea now
The junkin' comedian
$40 pay checks from the comedy shrine
The funniest was the awe that filled your dad
When?
When you said you were thinking about getting a job

Tags: silk flowers goodwill plushies Chump Gear restless leg syndrome

Season 21 Ep 24: The Mexico Part 3

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 11:52:03 -0400

Croncast - 2009-03-30.mp3
Show: #524
Length: 41:24
Size: 38 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

When, when, when, when
This was supposed to go out Friday
Maggie has been insanely sick
What happens when you read all of these Oprah books?
It should come with a six pack of Xanax
Difficult times?
Write a book
You need to change your name to Kristina
Sending email as Kris Smith
People would respond to me as a woman<
br> So I had to make it Kristopher Smith Wait, Mr B
I have to give a shout out to Carrie, thanks for coming to my show
The Mexico Part 3 begins now
Betsy, you are at the buffet, go . . .
If I had known that they served guacamole breakfast, lunch and dinner
Standing at the buffet
A woman sidles up next to me
"What part of Canada are you from?"
I speak like that because I lived in Milwaukee for a few years
Where's that?
Wisconsin
Is that a big city?
All the push ups that you do
They could throw a rock at it
She was wearing the crocs
Then I scanned the room and it was covered in crocs
That is he face of colonialism
Later . . .
I'm the only American
What is the most expensive shit you got behind this bar?
Grand Marnier on the rocks the entire trip
Do you want to know how to cook the guacamole?
He was like a bull fighter
Super hot
Fellas watch out for this
They will whisk you wife away
The Italian says, "You mean this prison"
You must leave this compound
They will take you to the jungle
They get electricity for 2 hours a day
It is wonderful
Deciding to go deep see fishing
How did you get over the shark fear?
We were stuck at the front gate
How many signs do you need?
It was like a road block
We were there on a gift certificate
I'm thinking that this will be so nice
The authentic Mexican experience awaits
We get to the place
Sure, it would have have been authentic
But didn't the charter company name tell you all you needed to know?
Captain Rick's
It should have
Yeah, if it were Captain Ricardo's
On the boat with a Canada
They start swearing at us in Spanish
Turns out I am the only one that knows it
I kept my mouth shut
Betsy catches Dory (see photo in post)
"Chocha Grande"
How is the fish doing?
Mas muerto
They pull it back into the boat
Cut up Dory and turned her into chum
We had Captain Bicho
More protected species were caught
Chopped and chum
Chocha account is over 11 at this point
I'm the bloke, right
Don't be a chocha Mr B

Tags: Crocs Canadian Tourists The Mexico GrandMarnier

Season 20 Ep 25: The Audition, What's Next, Life in the Can

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 13:03:55 -0400

Croncast - 2008-06-18.mp3
Show: #500
Length: 29:13
Size: 20.1mb
Format: mp3

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Last time I have to listen to this!
You know you like my voice, Baby
I am surprised you are not crying
It's like a Hallmark Holiday
I just wanted to make sure we hit 500 shows
Back in the day with the old gear
Doesn't it seem like you are creating more work?
Not really
Transitioning into something new
The new show is "Life in the Can"
You can get the new shows at www.lifeinthecan.com
Three days a week still and a weekly best of the three shows
The first show will be released Thursday June 27th, 2008
We're excited about the new show
It would be rad if you and I could work together
Getting paid to do the shows would be great
I went to Jeanie's house last night
Cracking open the hand carved lesbian door
No crumpled up High Life cans
The Eden like backdrop
Deer walked right up
She had deer prints on her roof
Training ground Santa's deer
Getting them presents for the house
Populating her yard with beasts
Show up and build an Arc too
Betsy "Noah" Smith
I get wait to Zeus out there
You had a part of your E Hollywood True Story
The Improv dinner theater audition
I purposely didn't tell you this, Kris
What?
Where the auditions were being held
Ok
Where was it?
At Culver's
Oh, Baby
Did you get a milkshake afterward?
Your first audition was at a fast food restaurant
It proves you want it
It's embarrassing but it does prove you want it
I'm proud of you
Most people wouldn't have gone
What's more uncomfortable than going to open mic night?
Listening to open mic night stories
We have no context for this
How did it make you feel?
Maybe she is a biker
Going out on a high note
Thanks to everyone for throwing in their support for the show
In the effort to Keep the Archive Alive
That would be funny
No it's not
Thanks for listening to everyone
Whether it has been 500 or 12 shows, thank you
We've had a great time doing the show
The new show is, Life in the Can - www.lifeinthecan.com
You just can't end it Mr B! Can you!
Keeping you happy three days a week with a bonus
Thank you for letting us entertain you.

Tags: iPhone Life in the Can LitC High Life Hallmark Holliday

Season 20 Ep 10: Transvestite Mennonite, MC Hammer, Baby Spiders

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 10:58:26 -0400

Croncast - 2008-04-30.mp3
Show: #485
Length: 28:03
Size: 19.8 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2008 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

I pulled a muscle in my back
My spider bites
It's a back wall injury
Like in the Mist
Where the privileged people are
At the Intercontinental hotel
I ordered my drink
You need to try it
Jaegermeister and Bailey's?
It makes me want to cover my ears
How much do they charge for that?
It depends
The bartender appeared to be a Stanford math major
How much do you want?
Top it off on the rocks, half Jaeger and half Bailey's
Well, we pour in ounces
I don't care what pour, just fill it up
When have you counted
You are an asshole
I'm not an asshole
How many ounces would you like?
What kind of question is that?
I would have turned you into a zombie
Was $30 a drink
Puffy Cuffs to a whole new level
She had already poured them
A mixer usually has small amount of alcohol
They should charge normally
I need to carry my own stuff
Buy a mixer full of ice to mix my own
You pay for the atmosphere
But most have to leave early to get to a meeting
$30 bucks a drink you better get some atmosphere
Turns out MC Hammer was hanging in the lobby
I missed it
I was three feet from him
He looked nothing like I would have expected
Taller than I thought
They have small man complex and work harder
Shaped like a potato these days
He would have showed all of his potato parts
He has an internet startup
It's like youtube but with dance videos
There's a new character on the scene at Goodwill
Who is it?
I don't know his/her name
What?
It is a Transvestite Mennonite
I had awkward pause seeking gender
I blanked
I needed to know boy or girl to return communication
You should do a back bend

Tags: MC Hammer the mist transvestite mennonite spider bite jaegermeister and bailey's

Season 20 Ep 8: Husband in the Bubble, Carbon Dioxide Vampires, Nock

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:14:07 -0400

Croncast - 2008-04-21.mp3
Show: #483
Length: 38:15
Size: 26.3 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2008 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

One day to Earth Day
Elliot has been telling me about the poor suffering pandas for ten days
He was telling me the acid rain was burning the pandas
Which was causing them not to have babies
He asked me if I knew what trees were
He's so much like his mom
He says, "Trees are carbon dioxide vampires"
I told him that would be a great band name
He didn't get it
Two worlds collided
You bought this badminton set at Goodwill
At a garage sale
Well, it came from out of the house
Husband in a bubble
Whatever you had taught him was wrong
Proper badminton form
Let me show you
What? What you learned at La Moille badminton school?
I can't believe you tried to describe this
What the hell are you talking about?
Your boy cannot do overheard
Oh, baby
I won't even listen to you and your un-athletic skills
It's good he's not you, Kris
He just doesn't get it as I am trying to help him
You're a like a lion in the grass
Look at that birdie fly
He can't hit it back and forth
I wanted to work with him
And you wonder why he doesn't want to play with you
You are a weird nerd jock hybrid
You're a NOCK
He'll have flash backs
Badminton is where business gets done
Watching his badminton future crumbles before my eyes
Don't send the hate mail
I get it
I need to engage with him on another level
He's going through a growth spurt
He's 7 asking if the weather is changing
Sensitive to barometric pressure
Taking the kids to lunch
Ted's Montana Grill
Ted's Buffalo Hut
There is nothing more environmentally friendly than buffalo farming
What are you saying? Twice as much methane
Maggie is all about it
Elliot looks at Ted's Bison Hut
Looks left and says, I just want Subway
"I won't get a bag of chips with my burger"
Wanted to do something a bit special
He says, "Dad, I don't like fancy. I like Goodwill and Subway."
Half the time he is working on bits
What's 10 minus 8?
I think you owe me $2, Mom
I get to the foreclosure/divorce house
Ring the door bell
The laundry basket was longaberger
It was like you designed the house
There was a beautiful chandelier in his bathroom
He wanted $1,800 for it
Then he says, "I paid $23,000 for it."
They make excellent copies of this at Menards
Then, Mr B, there it was
I became the sucker
Do you like the table?
It happens
How much do you want for the table?
Well . . .
I paid $12,000 for it
This is a garage sale
The table turned to fire when he told $2,300
Can you grab me something out of that crystal wine in the box holder
It was so McMansion
It was like he was trying to get on Cribs and it didn't work out
Same outfit as yesterday
Because he is single now

Tags: Longaberger suffering pandas acid rain Ted's Montana Grill McMansion

Croncast Stickers

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 11:39:39 -0400

You know you want one! Like I said on today's show I found a few more stickers in the man pit.

How many? 10. To get your's head over to the contact page - www.croncast.com/contact.php - and send me your mailing address.

Update: I've got 3 more left. Any takers?

Tags: stickers croncast mailing address you want sticker giant

Thank you Mr. Edwards

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 10:02:03 -0500

Bryan Edwards has picked up that I am a stats junkie. This morning he sent over a link to Last.fm stats for Croncast plays.

With my stereotypically schizophrenic stats checking, I hadn't looked at the site in nearly a year. Today, it looks much better and seems to have more new features that are actually useful. Though, it does seem a bit cluttered.

If you want to track your listening habits and find other who dig your type of tunes Last.fm is one of the best sites.

Tags: statistics Last.fm Bryan Edwards Croncast

Twitter background guidelines

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 10:21:12 -0500

Ever wanted to make an interesting Twitter background? Here's how I did it.

Side note: This post comes to you straight from an email reply to fellow long-time podcaster Michael Geoghegan in regards to my Twitter background.

Also of note, this layout works best on higher res monitor settings. I imagine that most active Twitter users that are going to be viewing the site as opposed to sms or mobile versions are on high res settings. That said, let's roll.

Creating your background
-----------------------------

File Dimensions: 2048 px by 1707 px (no clue why i used these dimensions but I am sure I knew what I was doing at the time)
Branding Dimensions: 80 px by 587 px
Coordinates: X=20, Y=14
Horizontal position: 20 px from the left (give yourself some padding)
Vertical position: 14 px from the top (will line up your graphic with the top of the twitter logo. our eyes like symmetry) File size and type according to Twitter: "Images must be smaller than 800k. GIF, JPG, PNG."

Aesthetics
------------

Color palette: Pick colors that match that with default Twitter stylesheet colors. If they contrast too much follow the Change Background directions above and change the colors for Text, Name, Link, Sidebar fill and Sidebar border as needed.
Recommendation: Choose colors that work with the default and save yourself the headache of matching the CSS to your image. Follow Twitter's lead.

Uploading your background
------------------------------

Change Default Background: Login and click 'Settings' >> click 'Design' >> Select 'Use my custom style below' radio button >> Upload your image

It took me quite a bit of time to get a background image that I was happy with. There was a lot of editing and uploading again, and again until I got it right. I would suspect if you're like me your experience will be much the same. So have patience when getting it just right. And remember that you are working within someone else's website and can't control all the features.

Update: This is the background that I based this tutorial on - Croncast background all by itself if you want to use it as a guide.

Here's my current background at work (note: it is now free-form) - http://twitter.com/croncast.

Tags: template size twitter background Michael Geoghegan twitter

Season 19 Ep 9: Casey's Bags, The Breakups, Groups of two

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 10:44:44 -0500

Croncast - 2008-01-25.mp3
Show: #455
Length: 26:05
Size: 18.0mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

You know the comments have been light
You haven't been on Kris
People said they loved the mono story
But that shit was a total downer, Kris
You can't keep going parking with those ladies
I lived out every Bruce Springsteen song, ever
Small town birth control: Casey's bag
Some hostess snowballs and a bag
You date leans over and says thanks for the birth control
Who wants to buy condoms from their conservative cousins
She thinks you got long johns and condoms
We actually went out together
Sure I hadn't left in two weeks
It snowed a foot of snow and the road was open
Our driveway looks like a demolition derby
Still has your parked car on it
I had a dream about running for Treasurer in Naperville
We won't be selling the car
Betsy, right now
Small web job saved it for now
The big things are next
Things are turning around for you Mr B
We went to Silicon Prairie
I hate that name
I love it, Kris
It could be changed to Farm Hand Geeks
Or even Country Coders
The had Rock Band and that was fun
Sure, Dave Bost and Larry from Microsoft were there
They are Microsoft Evangelists
Why don't you have an xbox?
I don't spend money on games
Get a rhumba from Goodwill
They're charging more than eBay
It's even first generation
So you get on Rock Band
My first band broke up during the first song
You guys sucked
But then you moved to the lead singer
You nailed it
Do you have "Short, short man by 20 fingers?"
You have such a love for old school Chicago house
The same drum
Can I clue you in to rock
The same song for the last 30 years
It's like ick, Kris
House music is all about feeling good
Did your mom just happen to be on street corner in Davenport, IA?
It's not a boob without nipple
Yeah, it's all cleavage without it
Not really
Good, when I see you come on stage I hate you
Better, to know that you hate yourself too
Now lets have some fun
New curriculum for ever class
That is not the school you want to go to
Betsy, you are too dirty
Yeah, news flash
I have all these shows for you to point out what's wrong with me
My checklist is all filled in
Tomorrow: Resale Queen Podcast by 9 a.m. CST
Topic: What you need in your resale kit
Shout out to Yoosun Lee in NYC

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: Rock Band Silicon Prairie Dave Bost Microsoft Evangelist Davenport

Season 19 Ep 6: Hire Kris, Styrofoam Cups, All Caps

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 09:52:39 -0500

Croncast - 2008-01-18.mp3
Show: #452
Length: 28:19
Size: 19.5mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

View Kris's resume or download it

You wanted more than Wheel of Fortune?
Now you got it
Sure you want it
How to tickle a nerd?
Let us see funny stuff in our stats
From Google searches
Yeah I look for the search term
You know that your IT people got their space
They all need a little space
Evidently we are more exciting than a blue haired lot lizard
Those I dig, they were funny
I'm glad you are getting tickled
Not those industries
If I could reach a lower point in my wife's eyes . . . don't know what it is
Things couldn't be going much worse for me
Instead of life preservers I'm getting styrofoam cups
I am smiling and laughing because I know you are on cusp of something terrrible
Monday was going to awesome
Back story
Interviewing and meeting with people
Turns out they didn't want me for the job that I had applied for
We really want you
What do you want to do?
What would you want me to do if I worked here?
What does my resume say to you?
In all honesty, I haven't read it
Nice
So they loved me
For the last two months we'll get back to you
We are figuring this out
We know how to make it happen
When job hunting you are in a hurry but no one else is
The key is to not come off desperate
I asked what the culture was like
Sure I ended up over dressed
I'm applying for every job that I can
Everything and anything
Manager at Caribou Coffee, you bet
Come Monday most likely we'll be selling the Maguar
We've learned a lot over the last two years
Kris explains how his job ended
Next time all the other cats get gone
We did the best thing we could do at the time
If I would have waited three weeks I might not have had a job
We thought being proactive would be better
Betsy is keeping us afloat in food and small bills with china sales
The eBay sales have been
Listen, it even gets worse
I am fucking everything up
It's me
I'm not doing it on purpose
But it is surely me
Betsy runs her business like a busy mommy
So she gets an all caps email
Directed at the software that she sold for me
It's not my fault he doesn't get it
Oh, my God I am going to kill Kris
For this software, you have to be a nerd!!!!
If you aren't you won't even know what this software is
Not just a nerd but an audio nerd to know what Yellow Tools is
Yeah, I went after him
Not my fault he typed in all caps
Reaching pretty low lows
Wasn't listening to the Wheel shows better?
Man, this is depressing
Got a line on a gig?

Tags: styrofoam google searches low lows Wheel of Fortune interviewing

Dear Internet User

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 13:46:27 -0500

This is directed at you, the lost individual awash in delusions that what you want to do with your face is 'cool'.

If the you that I directed this to is really you and you were the one that searched on Google for 'pencil thin beards + maintenance' then please send us a pic of the train wreck that will adorn your cheeks.

Also, I am sure that there is a boy band out there someplace attempting a come back, which has to be the reason for this search. Good luck with that.

Tags: pencil thin beard boy band beard

Season 19 Ep 1: Big man small sled, CWI, Guilt

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 11:36:44 -0500

Croncast - 2008-01-07.mp3
Show: #447
Length: 28:54
Size: 19.9mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

We're Back!!
Fake intro
New intro
New show art also
Welcome to what we're calling, 'Season 4'
We gotta keep it fresh
The show turns out to be a huge part of our lives
We interact through the show
You don't talk to me about your life
Now all you want is for me to be your 'manny' and watch the kids
We need the show for sharing with one another
Some really hilarious things happened
Painful for me
I am still in pain
You whiney monkey, hush
I get to call him out on this fakey, fakey shit
Can I tell the story?
Sure, give it your shot
You won't be able to do it
So you went to Elliot's holiday play
You left early
And guilty you should be
I had to leave!
No you didn't, you are unemployed
I'm literally being drug under a semi by you
I can't tell you about my secret he tells us
I never heard grand finale
Kris cuts out early, early
Let me tell this story
You are unemployed, you have no business
You shouldn't even look at your watch, bub
And yes, I felt guilty
So you decided to take him sledding
Let me tell this story
I go sledding with the man at 'Winter Mountain'
It's a snowboard hill near the house
It goes like this . . .
Big man on a small sled
Big man meets mogul and ground with his chest
This hill is getting bigger and bigger and Kris
Why where you sledding Kris?
You are an adult
When I landed on my side it sounded like bubble wrap popping
My chest was burning and I was out of breath
Right and you call me!!! Me!!!
I am trying to rest
You would have been better off with a Hefty back greased with Crisco
So you refuse to go to the emergency room
Days later you are still in pain
It was killing me
I was trying to be tough for my son
Kris, I put myself in danger for you
For absolutely nothing I did it
There was no red snow
You weren't dead or dying
I finally get you Urgent Care
After x-rays
Remember to take deep breaths
You have a 'Chest Wall Injury'
Kris you have a CWI!!!!
WTF, that isn't real!
I learned that I am made of dough
I am out of shape and things that moved weren't supposed to

Two news items:

1) We talked about changing up the show but couldn't come up with a format other than what we've got. So we're going to continue on until we reach our 500th show in about 5 months. If we do any shows after that they are bonus.
2) We're starting a new weekly podcast January 19th delivered every Saturday. It will be a ResaleQueen podcast focused on, well, what else but resale issues.

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Tags: Season 4 Urgent Care Hefty bags sledding CWI

McDonald's TV Commercial song Cha Cha Slide

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 08:57:00 -0500

It is shameful. I am a thirty-three year old father of a seven and two year old and I am writing this post.

That is my rationalization for how this McDonald's commercial got me hooked. The kids have it in DVR saved shows and I've seen it a at least 300 times in the last two months.

Corporate America you win on this one! You got to my juicy fruit-filled center, as a starving grizzly bear might call it. It's sappy and sad but damn if I don't love this commercial!

I like it so much I had to find it online and the song from the commercial for the kids, ahem. The artist is DJ Casper or Mr C depending on the sources I found and the song is called "Cha Cha Slide".

More than you wanted to know but I'm ok with that.

Tags: McDonalds DJ Casper Mr C Cha Cha Slide commercial songs

How to Add Wii Friend Code redux

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 15:19:22 -0500

About a year ago I created this video and posted in on YouTube to demonstrate how to add a Wii friend code. Since then it has had 12,000+ views and a comments thread that has about 250 friend codes. So if you want to find some new friends fast it's not a bad place to get some codes.

Tags: Wii find code how to friend codes

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 28, 2007

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 09:55:45 -0500

Croncast - 2007-11-28.mp3
Show: #439
Length: 22:14
Size: 22.0mb
Format: mp3

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The posts are posts
The most totally Gary email
"I'm in a village where people go to die"
"Someone couldn't wait and died on train"
Life itself is a destination
Mr. B is all happy
You've made it someplace
Yeah, void before it started and void when it ends
I knew you would turn it around and make it negative
When I was hit by a truck I learned this truth
Sure I flew 30 feet
How do you know you flew 30 feet?
There were witnesses
In the country?
No, it wasn't the country I was in town
Kris, could you keep farm animals in town?
Yes
Then it is the country!
I can see the bike-a-thon
Ride you big wheel around the block, pig bbq, oh someone is dying
If you are windshield smudge before you are 10 you're not a smart one
The banana seat bike catapulted me
I can see your dad measuring 30 ft
Right, everybody in town carried a tape measure
Is there a point to this story
All, I am saying is life is your destination
Live it while you got it
Lawn chair collectors
That's a hotel chair
Gigi starts yelling
We're all on the edge of our seats, Kris
They got into rc cars
When you are not the one being farmed?
The human condition means we are all farmed
Mr B
Betsy explains how it is done on the farm
I had gravel but there are many a boy that would want gravel over grass
You can be negative all you want
Today is the greatest day ever Mr. B
I am dressed in my sloppy best
Betsy takes us way back
Is there ever a need to dress up in your world, Betsy?
No
I say the same things to you
Once you understand this story you will understand me
The broom story from the last show didn't do it?
Betsy tells a story that I have never heard
Her dad bought his wife a car
We drive out to pick it up from a country driveway
It is parked behind a convenient store
It looked like it belonged in your father's yard
It was three different colors
No class, no style but it had balls
It was the original hyrbrid
Dekalb Ag car
She was disappointed
I was 15 and drove all the time
I didn't want to go get a license
It was a formality, detail
As long as I don't leave his subdivision I could get out of it
And I entered a 4 way intersection that turns out to be a 2 way
I hit a girl in a little pinto
My friend said, shit you're 15 you won't get your license until you are 21
My evil side takes over
I realize that she is 16 and doesn't know what to do
This is when I take over
We shouldn't call the police
We can let our dads talk and take care of it
The rest is history
This is possibly Betsy's funniest story ever
You are going to be a scary adult

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Tags: Pinto my dad small town fundraisers big wheels banana seat bike

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 23, 2007

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 10:02:48 -0500

Croncast - 2007-11-23.mp3
Show: #437
Length: 16:52
Size: 11.6mb
Format: mp3

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Short show . . . Betsy has places to be
Special intro by Elliot
Croncast live from the man pit
I forgot to mention Wal Mart
You can hear us there now
Shut up, Kris
Can't you hear us being piped into their stores?
People shopping and there we are with turkey fryers
We got FFA stories
The great turkey fry off jamboree we were invited to
Fryers, Keystone Light and firearms
Competitive fry off
Zis is my Wolfgang Puck oil
I don't think so Betsy
Celebrating by frying everything in sight
Grill on three legs and a cement block
Bugs? Forget it
Frying ice cubes
Guys around stuff on fire
I would do the firearms and clay pigeons
We are the hick/redneck ultimate starter kit
My thoughts make it tough to hang with the middle class
That is the relationship that has no boundaries
We just say the stuff they think but don't say
The turkey you made . . . oh, baby
Sacrifice of the bird
Who eats stuffing any other time of year?
What's wrong with Paganism anyway?
I'm not ripping on Pagans
What you are saying is that, "I fucked up the turkey and you were afraid."
29 cent a pound turkey, Pilgrims Pride
It had been beaten to death
It looked like it had just jumped in to the Latin Kings
It was black inside
I will never mess up another turkey again
You will have moist turkey for the rest of your days
The moment between you and your mom
"Like you do"
That is your mom's favorite quote
Living up to her standards
I tried cutting the leg when you asked
Sparks flew off the knife . . . not really
Sawing it into pieces
There was no layer other than the outer
The thrill of standing in line for deal
Sven Olacksen in the desert
What kind of job is jumping out of a plane?
The perfect job
You can have any job you want without kids
It frees you up
I had to meet you at 16
That's it
Elliot's special outro

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Tags: Wolfgang Puck Wal Mart turkey fryer Pilgrim's Pride beaten turkey

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 16, 2007

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 11:10:06 -0500

Croncast - 2007-11-16.mp3
Show: #434
Length: 27:43
Size: 19.0mb
Format: mp3

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Short intro
Why can't you do the intro, Betsy?
I don't remember it
To my reply, I've said it a lot
Once you start going I know it
The Family Ties thing would come on and i wouldn't know it
Because you were too busy holding the bunny ears
Maybe that is why you have premature balding
I don't have premature balding, it happened at the right time
When is the right time to bald, Kris?
When you want to make the jump to senior management?
Premature balding is in high school
Kris, anytime to premature for ladies
If you go bald postmortem it is too soon
You could have comb over talk
Golf becomes more interesting when you lose you hair
No
More and more forehead
He looked like Tyra Banks?
No
My friends
You were too exhausted from partying all night
I have to scream at people because my voice is low
That is why the intro was short
Now you are thinking like me
I was at TechCocktail 6 in Chicago
Not much business talk
Lots of nerds just drinking booze
Hanging with friends was best part
So shout out to Evan, Brian and Greg
Tech in Chicago - I work at a oil refinery, I'm a tech recruiter for C++
Exciting technology
Does it get more exciting than Microsoft?
Tech status quo is what it is
Only the nerds get your joke, Kris
Get my correspondence Masters Degree
People got to be telling people about the show
He said we are quality like Schmodcast
We need a better name
I asked you to bring it
Three years now
You need to bring it
How about Bcast
How about BetsyCast
You been bringing the funny lately Mr. B
The improv thing didn't work out well
Let's talk about it
You're unemployed, wanna arm wrestle
All my fears about not getting the improv thing came true
You auditioned for my love
I won because I was only one in the room
Toughest part was not having stage experience
Yeah, I am funny but I don't have the range for accents and characters
Maybe you need to be doing stand up
I can sell shoes anywhere
I've had some great conversations with people
My people see my resume and say, looks solid, awesome
Not quite sure what HR people think
Evidently not a whole lot
I have more conversations today
You got ins Mr. B
No, not "ins" I got leads
I have thought about not recording
This is part of the story that isn't that much fun to share
They should hire you to Twitter from Goodwill
There were ladies at TechCocktail
There need to be more women in tech
Serial killers get the three name treatment
You know he's trying to figure out how to fit you into a taco
People, you have to fill the gaps . . . and laughter works!

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Tags: Family Ties TechCocktail 6 Evan Brown Greg Cnagialosi Brian Beatty

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 07, 2007

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 07:56:51 -0500

Croncast - 2007-11-07.mp3
Show: #430
Length: 31:18
Size: 21.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 07, 2007

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Kris nerds out about comment spam
Not all the comments are on
I gotta shut those people down with their Ultra Canadian Pharmacy
What is wrong with you?
No one wants to hear that
It's just creative advertising, Kris
This is getting super interesting
You've dropped a lot of your nerdisms
You aren't weird around girls anymore
Just because people are turned in your general direction
Well, it doesn't mean that they are listening
Betsy breaks down her improv auditions
Betsy is freaking out
I told you how this would go
Did you bring your headshot and resume?
Right, my resume that says CEO of internet startup TheSmithMall on eBay
See, you didn't think that this was real work
No shit, it is competitive
It was valuable
I crossed it off with a china marking pen
It was pretty much like the Wheel of Fortune Chicago auditions
My sister told me not to wear my generic broken Crocs
I looked down and that's what I was wearing with no socks
That is prepared Betsy style
At that moment I didn't feel that together
A guy show up in a Simpsons t-shirt and a trench coat
I see that guy and hit the floor
Nobody move, nobody get hurt
Another chick came in frazzled with watered down eyeliner
A totally Deep Fried Blonde (DFB)
That's their problem not mine
What age range can you play?
I just put 32
You're supposed to put what ages
Every time I fill out an app - White Hen, Hardees, Ben Franklin
I could have used you as a wing man
I have talked about Mike from Second City
You just prefaced it with that
Teaching there, holy shit
The fourteen stages of improv
It's all part of the shtick
Then they go through what we are going to do
I just want to go home and watch Desperate Housewives on dvr
What was your first car?
Chevy
What kind?
Silver
And they all started laughing
I wasn't trying to be funny
Now I gotta do these setups with strangers
It went well
You are in improv boot camp at The Comedy Shrine
Naperville is holding it down
I know Mr B . . . people across the country they have working toasters
The person in the chair is the mall information booth
I am always thinking of disposable goods
Where do they sell RID at the mall?
Betsy gets cut off
The person in front of me is the Deep Fried Blonde
Her teacher didn't come from Second City
She starts a god damn conversation with me
She wants to shine
All she was supposed to say was aisle three
I started behind the door
They said don't do that
"DFB," one word would be fine
Betsy, do someone foreign
You have to get creative
Foreign to Naperville is what I brought
I was way better on the way home
You are obsessing about this
I helped build you up
You are the most competitive person that I know
Betsy, you just have to stick with it
That is the key for you
I would think after 11 years of marriage you would know when to shut up
I am just wondering why to do this
The audition freaked me out
I knew I would be with professionals
While you are doing your audition I took the man to his doctors appointment
The nurse was treating him like he's managing his health care
Sure, like he set it up
He's lost weight and not grown
We've taught him some better eating habits
Here's a fruit party platter
She's leaving and asks him if their is anything else
He's talking non-stop
This is a lot less
"Elliot is there anything else you want to share," goes the nurse
"There is something else," Elliot
He looks right at me and says, "My mom says things to my dad that makes him really angry"
"She says really mean stuff," Elliot
Buddy, it might be a good idea to refrain
On the show, but he doesn't listen
Picking up probably on the hairy situation here in the house
Sure we all have stress and tension
Your mom and I are best friends
One of those moments
Then the kid asks, "Why am I in a foster home?"
Tomorrow, is the 3 YEAR CRONCAST ANNIVERSARY

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Tags: Second City The Comedy Shrine Deep Fried Blonde Hardees Croncast

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 05, 2007

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 07:18:32 -0500

Croncast - 2007-11-05.mp3
Show: #429
Length: 30:35
Size: 21.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 05, 2007

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Betsy sneaks up on you . . .be prepared
Happy Birthday Mr. Mark Chernesky!
The Strawberry Short Cake house
I know why you are stuck in the 80's now
Explain what is on the table
Fisher Price loving family Beatle
Left Behind the kids series
More fear for your kids
The kids wonder if they will ever make it home
End of times, end of days whatever
I need to write a kids book
All about death
Three pages - you were born, you lived and you died
How can you be that grumpy?
What?
Yeah the morning didn't start so good
Maggie at a refillable pencil part
We spent morning at the emergency room
Sure now you want to tell me that I am a bad mommy
Betsy is full of the venom today
Kenny Logins and Annette Funicello made a teddy bear
They are friends with Kenny Rogers
What?
Everyone in the biz is friends with Kenny Rogers
That bears purrty
More venom
Tubs of the Christmas stuff thanks to Unitarians
Yeah, I don't want to look at it
Maggie might end up eating this stuff
Kris is listening just not paying attention
Vickie was important to have for Wheel of Fortune auditions
How am I bad at the improv?

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Tags: Strawberry Short Cake Mark Chernesky Kenny Logins emergency room Annette Funicello

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 02, 2007

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 08:21:44 -0400

Croncast - 2007-11-02.mp3
Show: #428
Length: 30:52
Size: 22.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 02, 2007

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It's Tell a Friend Friday
Tell your people, people
Switched up the intro
Added Podcast.com as a place you might get your podcasts
Check them out
Happy early birthday to Mark
He needs a cold turkey quit smoking partner
You up for it Betsy?
Does he have someone in Atlanta?
My birthday is then seven days after
Right after our three year mark
We'll be doing this until the wheels fall off
I get worried about our archive
Yeah, can't you just burn it to disc
Final paycheck from the day job came in today
Today was the contract execution date
So many things had to fall into place
We talk money and situation for a bit
For those of you who don't like this stuff skip ahead to 14:08
Many people have been in our shoes
You better get a job Mr B
It's already not been nice
We said we weren't going to talk about this stuff anymore
However, it's all be got going on right now
It is what takes up our waking hours
That's your problem Mr B
It's stressful
Yeah, we could end up moving . . . highly likely
Very little is going on here in Chicago
Not a leading edge city
The coasts are full of rocking gigs
Looking for jobs that are in wrong category
I found 10 different ones put away like this
Next is to contact the recruiters on these sites
Newly revised resume in PDF format (Yes, I know address is missing in this version)
Check it out
Though it's the same as my Linkedin Profile
I've had lots of people on this resume
Everyone is telling me that this will take longer than
Every time we talk about money it makes people crazy
Don't bother sending the hate mail
What do you want for your birthday?
Don't even say
Health insurance?
I have health insurance for us through January
Could this be worse?
Yes
I have contracts, things I can't share
It's up to listeners to fill in blanks
Dating the show
Part of being smart is that you should hate TV
I love TV Mr B
When you say kerchief it sounds like crew chief when you say it
Your references are all 80's TV
I am breaking into a new garage sale area
Hinsdale, a swanky Chicago suburb
Betsy puts the stereotype lifestyle
Kris finally tells the breast feeding plate story
The mosquito fogger driving down the street and chasing it
Breast feeding was the best time of my life
If you have healthy children
I will buy you your own plates, Betsy
With correct hair, eye and nipple color
You're gonna get me a titty plate?
You just don't bust those out that awesome
Oh, man your mom, Kris
You have no more awesome stories
I watched Three's Company
You watched Titty Plates

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Tags: Franklin Mint Breast feeding plates Kris Smith Resume Podcast.com mosquito fogger