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7 comments
Added on 06/14/06 by
Kris |
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 Croncast - 2006-06-14.mp3
Show: #236
Length: 1:02:26
Size: 42.8 mb
Format: mp3
Betsy and her husband Kris June 14, 2006
Act #2 is twice the length of our normal shows, but just like our trip we keep pushing through to make the Friday deadline for a full Act #3. That way we won't ever have to talk about this trip again.
So buckle up compadres as we take you on day 2,3 and the close of day 4 as we go from Omaha to Kearney, NE (we love Kearney, Midway Dodge and Thomas Hardage) to Denver.
So where were we?
Oh yeah Omaha
Go back to Monday, Act #1 if you haven't listened yet
We don't have time to reflect up it
Awake after 5 hours of deep sleep . . . yeah right
Epiphany for Kris, he figures out what the problem is with Slowsky
It appears that the gas peddle can't reach the floor or is being stopped
Handling dirty carpet
Slowsky is accelerating awesome
Up I-680 no problem up a hill
Air conditioning still blowing out the defrost vent
We hit fourth gear and Slowsky bogs down
You looked like someone had hit you in the crotch really hard
Did we stop or turn around in Omaha?Nope
I was gonna pull the oxen through and over the Rockies
Common sense would have turned us around
Betsy asks the cashier at a truck stop about our issues cause they should know
Our game plan becomes eat only at McDonald's and get to Denver
Stopping for gas over and over and over
Rolling at 60 pushing Slowsky to the breaking point
Betsy says cars are loaded weapons
I drove slowsky like a retired polo pony
Once AAA was taken care of it was on, drive it like I stole it
My foot is to the floor burning up the car
Slowsky's cry for help . . . check engine light flashes and then dims
Nebraska is the windiest state
Drafting with semi trucks because I can't go over 65
Speed limit is 75 which means 85 for all
People in Nebraska know there is nothing worth driving slow for
I still have no respect for the slow driver
The oil pressure gauge was nearly in the red
The van may explode at anytime
All the fun of a road trip and fantasies about stopping and eating the natives food, gone
No tourist traps for Slowsky
35 miles to the next exit
The arch over I-80 is where the Check Engine Light stays on
Hilly Iowa, not the hilly Nebraska
Calming the kids to soothe the hunching Kris
We get lucky and find Kearney, NE
Even luckier we find Midway Dodge of Kearney
Right next door was Enterprise
We meet Thomas Hardage, the only person not to let us down on this trip
It's 11:30 am and they close and 12:00 pm
He was a Slowsky prophet
he let us know that he 5 hour drive would take us 8 to 9 hours to Denver
There's Enterprise, we should leave car for repair
Kris says, "no" we're going to Denver and Betsy agrees
Help was put in our path and we tell it to fuck off
There was no charge to look at our car
You should not drive off into the great beyond in your broke ass van
"In Denver it will be really expensive", we pass again
Back on the road, 55 mph tops
Kris tries to make it go 56 entire way to Denver
We followed the same truck for about 300 miles
I-76 West down to Denver off of I-80
We are gaining control
We can see mountains
Now we are back to the itinerary, Yes!
Two straight days in a van
I will tell you when you can go to the bathroom
Telling Betsy over and over that we should have flown and what we would have been doing
From now on we fly, first class if we can afford it, 2-3 days at destination, rental car waiting and fly out on day 3
Coming in on the wrong side of Denver
Car collecting seems to be a hobby in Colorado
Hotel has Denver in name but it surely isn't in Denver
Slowsky is now down to 50 mph tops
But we've made it to Denver now
We're still in control . . . sort of
Slowsky was making death nells
Right near our hotel exit there is a Dodge dealer, John Elway Dodge on Arapahoe
The ultimate welcome to Denver . . . an arrest in our hotel parking lot
Navy wife-beater doesn't go with blond chest hair
Doesn't matter how nice a hotel is an arrest in parking lot harshes the mellow
We hit the hotel, 6th floor
18 giggling 12 year old girls right next to our room
Awesome birrthday for her
They were playnig door slamming game, Kris says no
Elliot loses his mind when we return to front desk to get another room
It is time to eat
I was bleeding money our of my eyeballs, really, dollar bills
Should have tossed one of the party girls over the balcony
Big wedding reception at the hotel, but no one was staying there, not one
The restaurant is out of highchairs, all in use for reception
It was time to start crying
We couldn't catch a break
One lone patron was going to hear our woes
What restaurants are near here?
We make it to Outback
Nothing goes wrong so Kris hugs the waitress
Elliot gorges himself, turns grey and runs to bathroom to puke
He has same gene that Betsy and I have where we eat to comfort ourselves
Where's that cereal? Do we have milk?
Needs to feel good in my belly
How sad is our happiness an Outback? We could have done this at home!!!!!!!
Research will take up whole half a work day
Talk begins about putting the family on a plane
Betsy understands her father's actions now from when he did it when she was a kid
It was time to stop the madness
We arrange for a rental car from Enterprise
Only place to do so is at Denver International Airport on Sunday
Shuttle is $20 but you need an appointment, what?
Concierge calls taxi for me and off I go
Denver knows nothing of urban sprawl
There could be free range beef within city limits
I tell cabbie DIA
The airport was 29 miles from our hotel
Ride to Ohare will take $28 bones of my money in a cab
Cabbie asks for $65 dollars for the ride!!! WTF
More notes and photos later. To get the rest of this you'll have to listen to the show for now. It is really hard to keep reliving this.
But I can't leave out the Act #2 cliff hanger . . . John Elway Dodge doesn't call us, we call them to hear, "Mam, the service manager didn't call you? Well, there's a problem with your vehicle. You see, one of our lot attendants . . . "
Coming up on Friday . . . Vacation: Act #3 Denver to Naperville
Update: These photos are from our 3 hours in Colorado Springs at Garden of the Gods and someplace in the downtown area. Family photo credited to guy I thought was homeless but turned out to be one of the dudes who just hang out to watch people go by.
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Wow,
Damn that was funny, glad it didn't happen to me funny but funny.
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Posted by: OneMan
at:
10:52pm 06/14/2006 |
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I was gonna wait until Friday to post, but this was the best ending to any podcast ever. A cliffhanger AND a great closing line: Get us out of here! Great show. |
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Posted by: John M. at:
6:32am 06/15/2006 |
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I can't even imagine what you guys went through. You got me stressed out!
These last two shows were awesome. Can't wait for Friday. :) |
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Posted by: Mike M
at:
9:48am 06/15/2006 |
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Kris, was it by any chance the same “friend” who referred you to the fascist hatchet man for your snip-job that suggested you go to Denver for your family vacation? |
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Posted by: ScottB
at:
11:35am 06/15/2006 |
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Thanks guys!
Scott, close but no cigar. I don't think even Henry would have sent one of his few token liberal friends on this trip.
We thought it would work as a semi-long drive that would serve as a bellwether with the kids as to what type of "driving " vactions would work. Lesson learned. Bellwether points down and to the right. |
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Posted by: Kris
at:
12:57pm 06/15/2006 |
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Okay, I'm not current enough to know what I just came across. I was searching for idea places to stop with three kids on our drive from Omaha to Denver. However, after reading this, I'm checking flight times and prices. Better luck next trip - flying obviously. |
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Posted by: Sabrina at:
3:00am 06/16/2006 |
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Flying is much better. Hope it goes well! |
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Posted by: Kris
at:
8:30am 06/20/2006 |
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